The Texan Mzungu

Oh man...

2009-09-28T22:44:00.001-07:00

Ok, we have a nine year old Siamese Cat named “Neela”. Neela, is Hindi for “blue” due to her deep blue eyes. I have pretty much had a Siamese my whole life and although most folks would not take me for a cat person, I love my cat. For all the cats I have had growing up, this is the first one that is “my” cat. Siamese seem to gravitate towards one person in the family and all my life it seemed it was my Mom they always gravitated to. Might have been due to me trying to shove them in the toilet when I was very young, or the fact that my Mom was the one that always fed them, or any other heinous things I probably may or may not have done with them…but I sleep good at night knowing it was the food.

Sidetracking here, but bear with me; when we arrived to our temporary housing here in DFW we found that the air-conditioning was not working! That sucks when it is 100 degrees and 99.9% humidity and is not much better when it is 95 degrees with 90% humidity. Standard procedure, we have to keep a bunch of windows open day and night so as not to wake up half-baked in a not-so-good way. Back to the main story…I also have a dog that I have written about before, the German Shepherd Dog we have. She is a bit aggressive at times, which I really like, and we really enjoy having her too. We have had issues peeling ourselves off the ceiling when one of the neighbors here are walking their chew-toys (poor excuse for dogs) along the sidewalks that are in full-view of the windows out of the breakfast nook. I have been worried that she would knock the screen out trying to get at these dogs but fortunately it had held…until today.

As I came home early this evening, I pulled in and noticed that the screen to the previously mentioned window is laying on the bush directly outside the window…aw crap. As I drove up the driveway past it, I was relieved to see Naomi quizzically stick her head out the window to greet me as I drove by. Ok, mental note, gotta get that screen back in. However, there are more important things at hand. First, I GOTTA get the DVR going as the Cowboys game is going to start within seconds. Second, I need to get my daughter changed and ready for bed, and third I gotta start eating on the pizza that my wife was bringing home!

All three issues are handled successfully for the most part, except my daughter was still running around a bit while we started dinner. We put the pizza aside as she got cranky and decided to fill ‘er up with milk and put her to bed. Standard procedure while my wife is feeding her is for me to get her a clean plug, make sure the crib is setup right, and get the cat out of her bedroom because as soon as we get the door closed (if she is in there) she starts yowling and wakes up the baby. I get everything done and cannot find the cat. I look under the bed, behind the dressers, in the closet, in the bathroom…nowhere. Now I start calling her as she will always come when I call her name…nothing. Ok, a little frantic now, I start combing the rest of the house looking for her…still nothing. Back to the bedroom as she is a sneaky little fart and is probably still in there…still nothing. Things went kinda cold for a second as I remembered the open screen window in the breakfast nook. Crap! I think the cold feeling was mostly due to knowing the cat got out but also partially that I have to explain to my wife that her cat has gotten out, is lost, and I forgot to put the screen back on the window. Now, in my defense, there is the distinct possibility that this screen had been missing for HOURS before I got home but am relatively certain she will have some proof that the cat escaped only after I got back home and I am a jerk. AND, I have to wait to watch the Cowboys game…

I casually approach my wife and ask her in a very even tone, “…you haven’t seen Neela…have you?” Well, come to find out she hadn’t…so I came clean on the window screen. Ok, now we both look through the house, each of us calling her name and there is no cat in the house. Ok, this is starting to get bad as my wife is starting to freak. “Yes, I know she is only and indoor cat.” “Yes, I know she does not have front claws.” “I have no idea if she is in the yard.” “Yeah, I’m sure she will come back…” Ok, that last one was a bit of a stretch, but I could always hope, right?

So, I get the flashlight and walk around like a hood through the subdivision flashing every house, bush, fence…everything calling out he cats name…the entire time praying I do not see a white pile of fur in the road. Nothing. The wife wants me to go knocking on neighbors houses to see if anyone has her, but here we are; new to the neighborhood, have not met any of the neighbors, and I am beating on their doors at 9:30 at night asking if they have seen my cat. The wife gets the phone number of a neighbor (I’m a butthole for not going and knocking on doors) , introduces herself briefly and then asks if there is any intel on an AWOL kitty…nothing. Ok, so I get in my truck and cruise the neighborhood looking for our fleeing feline and drive the entire neighborhood with flashlight out the window…just sure the Keller cops are going to pull me over for God knows what…nothing.

I walk back in the house and my wife is really freaked…she has just lost her cat and will never get it back. I spend some time assuring her Neela will be waiting for us outside in the morning…with little success. So, we break out the paperwork and advertise on Craigslist with the Avid chip number and description, call the animal control folks (they have great jobs, they don’t work at 10:15 at night), and she calls her parents (of course I am not qualified to offer comfort as I am the butthole that lost the cat). All the while, I’m thinking about the friend I have lost (I know she won’t be outside in the morning), the thousands of dollars spent shipping her back and forth to Kenya, and whether or not I should plan on getting another one this week?

Then the stupid cat walks out of my daughter’s bedroom…

Small Town Texas...

2009-09-26T11:38:00.000-07:00

Since arriving back in Texas from Kenya, we have been busily trying to get our ducks in a row…without total success for sure. After getting our living quarters in check, vehicles up and running, and all the small stuff, we now are starting to look for jobs. My wife was real fortunate in that she found a locums job which started a few days after our return. Unfortunately, it is by no means a long-term solution as it requires her to travel overnight to various places throughout Texas among other things. Our daughter likes to have her Mommy around; nothing to make you feel bad like your child wandering around the house aimlessly, from room to room, shouting out “Mommy? Mommy? Mommy?”

I have been doing my due-diligence without any luck whatsoever. Seems this “unemployment” and “economy” thing that Mr. Obama is supposedly fixing has gotten worse since my departure. The proof of the pudding is going to a Home Depot, talk to the folks working there, and hearing their backgrounds. “Yeah, I’ve got a Masters in Business Admin.” “I was a plant manager for a Fortune 500 company.” “I’ve got two advanced degrees but cannot find work in my field.” Or, start looking for even entry-level engineering jobs, crap like validation engineers, test engineers…stuff that is for folks right out of college and they are asking for 10 years experience, advanced degrees, and are paying crap like $30K to $40K a year! I have been secretly rehearsing “Would you like fries with that?” while taking a shower…

One thing is for sure in my household; my wife can out-earn me with her eyes closed. Being a medical doctor affords some options that having a normal, albeit worthless four-year degree does not afford. So, we have been looking around for her jobs too and are really fortunate to have quite a few options. When one looks into the Health Care debate, one will hear that there is a shortage of physicians…especially general medicine doctors. My wife is not a general practice/family practice physician but is fully trained to work as one. Also while looking at jobs, the really attractive areas to live do not recruit as persuasively as the rural or underserved areas. In the Dallas/Fort Worth area there are definitely jobs available. These jobs pay well but when one looks at some of the underserved areas…Holy Crap! They have some VERY attractive offers…some paying triple what a physician would earn in a metro area if not more. Plus, add to that the lower cost of living….well crap, it looks like we are going to look into Podunk ville…

Let me preface this by saying that I am very familiar with Podunk Ville. I grew up there and didn’t really leave until I graduated from College. The politics of living in very small town U.S.A. is way different than living in DFW for obvious reasons. If someone went to a grocery store, say Central Market, here in DFW and told the cashier to “…put it on my tab” they would be met with either a dropped-jaw or quite possibly a phone call to the Southlake Police Department! For sure one would not know over half the people standing in line behind them and would not have messages on their answering machine at home waiting on them asking why they were arrested at Central Market! As a younger person, I used to despise certain people who felt it their life-duty to inform my parents what I was doing at any given moment. Not being able to be an individual without 50% of the town knowing my every waking moment. Literally, having pissed someone off and they would call my Father to narc me out. The anonymity of living in a large metro area has its upsides.

Having access to niceties is a huge plus too. Growing up in my hometown, if you wanted something to eat after, say 8:00pm, one would either drive to Sonic or maybe McDonalds. That was it. Period. Realize there is no milk in the fridge…until a Casey’s General Store showed up, you were out of luck. I also remember fondly, looking forward a week or so in advance about the “BIG TRIP TO TULSA!!!” We got to go to a MALL! Eat at real restaurants! Shop at a store other than Wal Mart! Nairobi blew away the town I grew up in regarding options, places to go, see and do.

There are some real advantages to living in Small Town U.S.A. too. The small-town hospitality can really be appreciated when one gets a bit older. It seems that neighbors are closer, the community is closer, and people are more involved in your day-to-day lives. I think raising children in a smaller town also (with appropriate supervision) allows for a safer environment too. Not so many “bright lights” to attract them down different paths. Of note, that crap all but goes away once teen-age years arrive as it is hard to keep one’s self entertained during those years in a small town without getting into trouble…. I think a small town promotes stronger family values too. It is not so easy to get lost in the forest for the trees. I also think it is easier to not spend tons of money in a small town…just because there I not so much to buy! Eating at home is much easier when there are not so many tasty options to hit. Having ten gourmet burger joints within ten minutes of ones house makes it really hard not to travel for food! Not having a pizza place in ones towns has pluses and minuses too…

My wife has never lived anywhere other than a large metro area. I think I almost lost her the first time I took her to my hometown to meet my Father. I do not know if she thought it was a joke as we drove in from the East side of Coffeyville or not…probably wondering if it was some sort of refugee camp? Being exposed to the previously mentioned shortcomings was a shock to her system. I think she needed something like contact lens solution and realized this at about 9:00pm. Whoops. Obviously, it was not appropriate to mention that one should not leave their stuff behind when the statement is equally obvious that at any time of the day or night one should be able to pick it up. I have not spent any amount of time in Coffeyville in the past 10 years or so, but at that time I am pretty sure NOTHING was open 24 hours other than the Coffeyville Police Department. I have had the opportunity, the past 15 years, to live in metro areas of around 4 Million or more and have grown fond of the conveniences too…so don’t think this is just about my wife. The concept of having to plan-out shopping trips precisely is not a strong suit and neither is the idea of not being able to stop off at the Mall on the way home (or other boutique type stores…let alone Bed Bath and Beyond or Super Target or similar). Planning to pick up these items a week in advance (or more) and having to travel an hour plus to get these items is as foreign as Jupiter.

So, what do we do? Yesterday we traveled to Small Town Texas to interview for jobs! And we are not talking about Coffeyville here…think Dearing (think town of probably 1000 folks). It is about an hour and twenty minutes from what is considered to be “civilization” and does not even have a Wal Mart or any other store other than a very small grocery. There is a Burger King at the exit of the freeway that was recently built…and it appears to be Zagat rated in the community and quite the fine dining experience! And you can get gas there too!

Upon arriving there, seeing the town and hospital somewhat reminded me of our first trip to Coffeyville. I think she was more comfortable in Kenya than she was here…at least there she had proper mental preparation. This was a bit of a stunner. All in all, I think after the initial shock wore off she started to enjoy it and took it all in objectively. One of the benefits of the job is “corporate housing” which consists of a rental house across the street from the hospital. This will be the proverbial deal-breaker. The real estate market here; it is not even fair to call it a market. There are zero properties available as there does not tend to be a large influx of people moving in/out. Within 20 miles of this town, zero rentals exist so this place is it if we choose to go. Cat piss in carpets is a deal breaker….for both of us and it exists in this house. Other than replacing the carpets in the entire house, the place screams early 70’s…almost expecting Eric and Red to be sitting in the living room. Probably the final analysis will be based on what they can do to clean up this shack.

The population is predominately Hispanic, towards the lower-end of the income bracket, but seems to be very nice…the ones we met anyhow. They do have a somewhat capable hospital that serves an area of four small towns that also each have a clinic…all would be serviced by my wife if she were to accept the position. This could be a hurdle to overcome too. Her experiences since leaving residency are mostly centered around Hospitalist work. Trust me, you didn’t want her to be your doctor because that meant you were REALLY sick…hospitalized sick. She has mainly worked in world-class hospitals with a supportive staff that is not only huge but also trained in world-class institutions. In these smaller towns, she is it. Not much support structure or other specialists to turn to. However, I think she is very excited about this part of the opportunity…and she is capable. It will really immerse her in all things medicine and give her the challenge she thrives on. Add to that the communities here are more geared towards appreciation and relationships, it should be right up; her alley. The compensation package being more than most any twenty people living there earn yearly is a nice plus too.

The other big plus is that there is work for me there too. Funny that employment could be found in a town like this compared to a metro area but it is there. It would be working in the health industry (something I know very little about) but would rely heavily on my ability to sell services and myself…things that I am adept at. Creating relationships and marketing the programs of the services provided is something I can do and would be a nice addition to skill sets should we make this a short-term option?

The next week or so are going to be interesting as we try to figure out what we are going to do. I never dreamed in my wildest dreams that I would live in Kenya. As I drove away from Coffeyville I never thought I would come back to a small town ever again…almost promised myself I never would. Amazing what folks can do when situations and times change. I guess I can still dig out my straw hat, bib overalls, and learn how to walk barefoot again….
Peace,

Dude
FBO

So, Texan Mzungu is a Racist...

2009-09-17T12:27:00.000-07:00

As I had said previously, I type this thing about my own perceptions and experiences…and try to have fun with it. I appreciate the many, many responses I have gotten supporting this blog that I play with. I also appreciate all of those who I have asked if they felt I was being overly racist in my rants. The reason I had asked this, is because there have been a couple of replies by Kenyans, mostly living in the U.S., who have angrily accused me of being a racist.

Personally, I don’t give a crap. Tiny-minded people like these make the world go around. However, I am going to have fun with the latest letter that was sent and include some “responses” to the accusations. I am not upset at all, rather I want to have fun at this idiots expense. I just love when self-entitled mental giants try to respond thinking they can “tear down the man”. This may get a tad offensive, so if you are not interested in reading stuff like that, stop here. Otherwise, the gloves come off now.

I will separate my comments by triple-asterisks (***) and spacing from the content of this dumbasses letter…

Guess who's back ..
Its the 'dipshit' ..

***I can see that! What wonderful words of wisdom do you have for me today?***

I understand you awould like to defend yourself as a victim and point out all the ugliness of both American and African societies but if you would take a minute to figure out WHAT people read in your blog, it would occur to you that you unfortunately have a very racist slant to your comments.

***I have never said I was a victim of anything, dipshit. I did point out some of the ugliness you mentioned in this post, but the very next post I only mentioned the things I loved. Your pinheaded narrow-mindedness only allows you to see what you want; therefore you are a victim of the very thing that pisses you off. Take off the rose-colored glasses…***

It appears that you single out black politicians as terrorists and idiots.

***Uh, I didn’t see all that many white politicians in Kenya, dipshit.***

I have no problem with you being a racist, you will get yours eventually, I write as a Kenyan who thinks that the sort of crap you write and put on the internet about MY country is onesided and tinged with the typical angry mzungu lenses.

***Excellent! Glad you have no problem yet you stuff my mailbox full of crap that says otherwise. You actually write as an angry black man that cannot take another’s point of view. It seems to me that you have Mzungu issues…what, were your forefathers not treated appropriately by British colonialism? Take that up with the Brits, it was not my doing. If you want to look at a map, globe, maps.google.com, whatever, you may find that Texas is not the same thing as England. However, I do not think that will do any good, it seems your are just pissed off at all white folks.***

Your only reason to go to kenya is because you thought youd live like king lording over some KYM's and having your undersized knob polished by some underaged negro girls.

***Actually, believe it or not, that is not the reason we went to Kenya. We went so that we could provide access to water by installing low-cost bore holes in rural Kenya. Additonally, we went there to provide either free or low-cost health care to those that cannot afford it. You are just an angry idiot for suggesting otherwise.***

You only speak highly of fellow wazungus, indians and the "US styled" malls where you can pretend to be at the local starbucks.

***That is not true. If your incessant ramblings were not just angry diatribe, I might tell you of the Kenyans I hung out with, the ones we shared dinners with, etc… Actually, I do not think I ever spent any time with another white person the entire time I was there. Where do you get your information? Also, if you had ever heard me rant against Starbucks, you would know just how incredibly foolish you sound…but it sounds like you have been to one and know what they are all about.***

If you had the cojones of a real man, you'd stand by your REAL thoughts and be the redneck youare, but instead youpretend to be the globetrotting negro loving, socially conscious jesus.

***If you had any “cojones” at all, you would find another hobby other than ranting like an angry black man! I take you calling me a “redneck” as a compliment. Thank you. The only thing I pretend to be is tolerant of ignorant assholes like you…but something tells me I am failing at that.***

How dare you say " I love kenyan culture" ..what a crock..! Show me any part og your blog where you actually do so ...

***I don’t want to go back and read my 30+ blogs to try and find something to appease you. I also did not document every single day and every single event of my living in Kenya. I love it, you are pissed that I enjoyed it, get over it.***

You are who you are and as i said, I think Kenya is better off without your negative, racist and bogus self.

***Maybe you are right? Maybe not. Only time will tell. However there is no question Kenya is better off without you, where you can blend in with the rest of the assholes here in the States. One observation I have never put into print, but need to do so now as you are part of this group. African Americans kind of give Africans a bad name. You are doing this in spades.***

If you don’t want to hear from people like me, then stop writing nonsense on the web about a country of proud, intelligent and BLACK people.

***Actually, it is pretty easy to ignore you if I feel like it. Maybe you should do the same thing and ignore my blogs? I will admit, they are well written and a good read so I can see why you cannot just tear yourself away. You can go to sleep tonight knowing I am laughing my ass off at you as I think you are just like the baboons I saw on the side of the road in Kenya. You don’t bother me…obviously I bother you! I win!!! ***

Idiot..

***Dipshit***

Yet another Top Ten list...

2009-09-11T08:41:00.000-07:00

Well, aside from the delusional Kenyan that responded to my last list, it seemed the last one was well received. It seems, after reading the past few blogs; it may have taken a tone that I absolutely do not want to convey about our last home in Kenya. Sure, there were a lot of things that we did not completely enjoy…for that matter there are TONS of things that suck about living in the States. (Look to a Top Ten List of things that SUCK about living in the States compared to Kenya.)

I post this blog on two different locations on the Internet. One is on my Facebook page, the other is on my permanent blog page. This gives me a lot of different readers, for sure. Most all the folks that read my blog on Facebook are already friends of mine, therefore they know that I am an abrasive kind of guy and probably take my statements either with a grain of salt or, maybe…actually enjoy my sick sense of humor. Unfortunately, anyone with access to the Internet can read my actual blog.

Because of this, I get some real gems in regards to responses. Most all of them are from “Anonymous”. A ton of them, I do not post. Mostly dumbasses that take offense to something that I have said. I must admit that some of them, I actually enjoy smacking them down like the ill-informed mental giants they are. I have been called a racist recently because my blogs are aimed at black folks portraying them as lazy, stupid, un-motivated, people. Personally, I have never said anything but very nice things about Kenyan people…see the point in my list below and previous posts to verify. I have also been accused of lumping all blacks in together, being the white devil in downplaying their abilities. Nothing could be farther from the truth in my mind. I would welcome “civil” discussions on this topic. If someone can convince me that I have been a racist bastard I will delete all my blogs so as not to offend douchebags that cannot comprehend simple writings. Better yet, I guess, would be that if my writings offend you, just do not read my freaking ramblings…simpleton. And to Anonymous assholes everywhere…if you have something to say, write your name to it or do not waste my time. Sissies…

Now, back to the main point of this writing; there are tons of things that I miss about Kenya already and I am sure that there will be a lot more that come to mind as time goes by. My host country was a wonderful, sometimes magical place. Not just things being new, but soaking in things that sometimes would be passed by if one were living the “American Dream”. This will capture the highlights…and maybe let folks know that I didn’t hate Kenya…it’s just different. To quote Vincent from Pulp Fiction, “…it’s the little things.”

10: Unparalleled Beauty

Nowhere else in the world have I experienced such natural beauty as in Kenya. Not in botanical gardens, not in national parks, not in folks’ backyards…nowhere. Simply driving down the road I lived off of (Bogani Road) one would experience botanical beauty unparalleled anywhere. Vivid flowers, plants that can only be grown in truly tropical climates (bird of paradise, for example)…all grown along the side of the road. Drive anywhere outside of Nairobi and the varying beauty…from the Western side along the Great Rift Valley to the far Eastern side of the Coast. Pictures, TV shows, magazines…none do it justice. Until you have stood at the precipice of the Rift Valley and gazed down upon it…pictures and words will never describe it. The white sand beaches of the coast with palms, flowers, and unspoiled beaches…it is easy to get lost in the serenity. North of Mombasa there is still a lot of beaches that do not have hotels, resorts, and the like screwing up Gods work…absolutely breathtaking.

9: Food!

In the past I have criticized the beef in Kenya and that still stands…especially after eating but a single hamburger here. American fast-food burgers kick a Kenyan gourmet burgers butt 10 times out of 10. Period. However, compare most anything else and Kenya wins hands down. The fresh produce that is actually available “fresh” is hard not to miss. The fruit that is grown locally; passion fruit, guava, mangos, bananas, pineapples, kiwis and the like will never be found on the shelves at an American grocery store. All of these are available as fresh juices at most any decent restaurants and will make one never drink juice again in the States. The vegetables are just as good, albeit a bit varying. Potatoes, as mentioned earlier, are smaller and seem to be less “starchy” for lack of a better word. Avocados, peppers, carrots, corn, zucchini, squashes, etc…are all freaking incredible, tasting almost different than their American cousins. Part of this can be attributed to the excellent soil here, also the growing season, lack of pesticides and fertilizers. Everything is “organic” to a fault…can’t really find anything “un-organic”. It makes me a true believer and I will miss it.

Kenyan food is also very, very good. The spices are much different than what is used here. In Kenya, there is a lot of Cumin, Peppers, Mustard Seed, Coriander, Cilantro, and Pepper Corn used. In America, the all-time favorite is SALT! I had forgotten just how salty food is here…nothing like turning to beef jerky after our first Tex-Mex meal here…and just about anything else prepared “out”. Foods in Kenya are much simpler, very tasty, and very well prepared. Traditional meals consist of a starch (usually Ugali, a mixture of maize and water that turns to a doughy bread-like paste), a protein (either lamb, goat, fish, or especially chicken) cooked in something of a stew. Nyama Choma (Swahili for barbequed meat) is usually goat cooked a long time over charcoal and is really, really good too. The fresh fish the coast offers along with world-class chefs provided me some of the best meals I have eaten in my life.

The chicken is very fresh and very small…not pumped with growth hormones, steroids, or any other crap. We do not eat much chicken here in the States because…wait for it…”it tastes like chicken!” Kenyan chicken does not taste like chicken, is not stringy at all and very, very good. The fish is fresh from the coast or from Lake Victoria and is unparalleled with exception to coastal states here in America. Shrimp (prawns) the size of my daughters forearm are available cheap and cooked to perfection.

Kenya has crap food too, one just has to look very hard to find it…

8: Freaky Cars and Trucks

Let me preface this by saying that I have probably forgotten more about cars than most people will ever know in their life. That being said, cars and trucks in Kenya might very well have been from another planet. Other than Landcruisers, Range Rovers, and Mercedes, everything else would never be found on the streets of the states. TONS of Toyotas that would appear to be weird to Americans like the “Vitz”, “Noah”, ”FunCargo”, and various other tin-cans that double as coffins were everywhere. I call them coffins as they are incredibly small and one accident with a Matatu and it would be just as easy to be buried in it. Lots of small station wagons by Toyota, Nissan, and Subaru…seem to be the “Camry” of Kenya. Also of interest, it seems that a 1.5 Liter motor is considered a large motor in a vehicle. When I told locals that my truck back home had a 5.3 Liter engine…they stared in disbelief! Motorcycles, by an overwhelming majority, are powered by 125 cc engines…nothing like the 1340 cc Harley Davidson motors found everywhere on the roads here. The Mitsubishi I drove here was powered by a 1.3 liter engine and, by American standards, would be considered a sissy vehicle (by me too). Even large trucks were powered by 2.4 liter diesels…something no self-respecting Texan would ever allow on anything other than a lawnmower… Also, the PRICE of these things! Nothing on the road sells for less than $5000…even pieces of crap. Used vehicles that would sell for $12,000 in the States sell for $36,000+ in Kenya. Over-the-road trucks…not a Peterbuilt, Kenworth, or Mack to be seen. “Tata’s” (ok, I admit, I love that name and still giggle), Mercedes, and Nissan trucks rule the road and belch black smoke like a volcano. Where I was starting to take zero notice of cars here in the States…maybe outgrowing my infatuation with the automobile…Kenya brought interest and novelty that had been lost for some time.

7: Diamond Plaza

I say “Diamond Plaza” as a prelude to an entire community…the Indian Community. There is a huge East Indian community in Kenya. So large that they even have their own shopping center named Diamond Plaza. Here, like many other places in Kenya one can find EXCELLENT Indian food, DVD’s (maybe pirated?) for $4 that includes 10 different movies on it, and almost anything else possibly “shady” or imported from India. Kenyan Indians have their own identity and seem to be more accommodating to “outsiders”…or better said, “white’s”. Maybe it is a Sikh thing? A Hindu thing? Not for sure, but even the elders of the community seem to be more open to new things and accepting of others cultures. Not all of them are Engineers or Doctors either! Now, I can already hear members of my family chiming in about this and all I can say is….refer to the second paragraph please…

6: The Coast

White sand beaches, fresh seafood, and a slow pace of life; what is not to like? Where Nairobi has everyone walking around in Dockers, long-sleeve button-up shirts, dress shoes, coats and ties…Watamu has cutoff jean shorts, t-shirts, and flip-flops! MY KIND OF LIVING! It just does not get any better than this…except for the German and Italian expats that live there and tend to be buttholes…

5: Kenya Wildlife Service and its Parks

The Masai Mara, Nairobi National Park, Tsavo East/West National Parks, Amboseli National Park, and on and on and on; Kenya has done a fantastic job of protecting not only its national beauty but its flora and fauna too. Growing up watching “Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom” and later NatGeo, Discovery, Animal Planet makes it totally kick-butt to see these things live and in person. Preserving the area for the “Great Migration” with over a million wildebeest…awesome; and watching the crocodiles feast on them is even cooler. The Kenyans love their natural resources (other than the MP’s, but that is another story) and it rocks that they preserve it in such pristine splendor.

4: Wildlife in General

Driving home and seeing a “tribe” of Baboons on the side of the road really sticks with a guy from the States. Driving home from Watamu and seeing Giraffe and Zebra grazing along the highway really brings the scope home. This is the last wilderness, the last frontier where natural beasts roam wild most anywhere they want to. The birds are all different, the bugs are wicked-cool (even caterpillars after the fact), and having monkeys visit a picnic has its pluses too. Probably no matter where one travels to, around the globe, things are probably different. On reflection, having lions, cheetahs, elephants, rhinos, giraffes, warthogs, zebras, baboons, hyenas, crocodiles, and tons of others…that is just pretty darn cool.

3: Hakuna Matata

As soon as we landed in DFW…we knew we were home in more ways than one. Sour attitudes, folks brushing by with scowls on their faces, and service folks who feel they are entitled to be buttholes because they are paid to assist folks. Everyone here is in a rush. Rushing to get to work, rushing to get through work, rushing home, eating dinner fast, maybe getting some net time in just prior to going to bed then repeat the process four more days. During that time, folks probably look at their watch/clock 200 times, have reminders on Outlook for meetings, Blackberry’s flashing messages and meeting notices, cell phones ringing non-stop, all the while life is flashing by at light-speed…all the while we are missing LIFE! Repeat four more days, then go to the weekend and run kids ragged to sporting events, make it to the shopping stores, be pious and go to church on Sunday, then who knows what…catch up on weekend homework missed, mow the lawn, kick the cat then repeat previous steps for Monday morning.

If the Lion King did nothing else, it brought us “”Hakuna Matata”…or better stated in English, “No Worries”. Life goes by at a much slower pace and folks don’t stress out. If there is a meeting for 2:00pm and something comes up, Hakuna Matata…it can start later. Or, can be postponed until tomorrow. It is almost a Kenyan mantra, “…why do today what one can do tomorrow?” Nothing happens fast and nobody expects anything to happen fast. Stress does not exist, folks do not get pissed off at the slightest thing…matter of fact, I never saw a meltdown the entire time I was there (except for an American at a restaurant, go figure)…took only about 20 minutes of being in DFW before experiencing a wicked one! Folks in Kenya don’t let things bother them…I admire that.

2: General Cool Factor

There is something to be said about telling folks you live/lived in Africa. Period.

1: The People

What makes it all tick; all come together is the people of Kenya. Taking all the points listed previously adds up to a cool population. Walk anywhere and talk to anybody and they are quick to offer a smile and a “jambo” (hello). Does not matter if they are dirt poor or the wealthy elite; it was very easy to make raifikis (friends) in Kenya. From the gardner to the Askaris (security guards) to the landlords to the guy who owns the huge industry, they all responded in kindness and generosity. Everywhere we went, folks would talk to us, our daughter, ask us how we were doing…it was nice. Even the folks at restaurants, ice cream parlors, gas stations, etc…would remember our names and address us as such. People of the world could learn from Kenyans…from their general population. Not so much their elected officials…but ours suck too.

HONORABLE MENTIONS

Full Service Gas Stations:

Never get out of your car and they always ask, “Clean your windscreen and check your bonnet sir?”

Cadbury Chocolate Bars:

Enough said…

Mediterano’s:

Excellent Italian food…better than most I have tried in the States.

FM 105.5:

Heavy Metal late nights…Classic Rock Weekends…

Grilled Corn:

A tasty Kenyan treat

The Mehta Family:

No one could ask for a better, all-world family; a model for all.

“Flexible Pricing”:

EVERYTHING is negotiable pretty much. Put on your “little bastard” hat and get HUGE discounts.
If someone were to ask me, I would recommend that anyone interested in Africa visit Kenya for an amazing experience. This is my second time visiting and would/will go back in a heartbeat…all the bitching and complaining aside (and that can be done just about anywhere one goes) it is truly paradise.

Peace,

Dude
FBO

Early Reflections and Ramblings....

2009-09-11T08:35:00.000-07:00

Well, it is definitely nice to be back in familiar surroundings. Houses with carpet, hot and cold running water, etc, etc… Jet lag is definitely a pain, especially on infants…which in turn makes it harder on 40 year old parents too. We have been back for one weekend, albeit a very busy weekend, and still are trying to get our hands around the changes. The family appears to be happy their grandbaby is back…probably us too. It has been a whirlwind of activity, so I am going to try and document it so that our daughter will have it for prosperities sake.

After about 26 hours of travel from Nairobi to Dallas, we finally arrived, a bit haggard, relieved to finally be home. Flying with an infant is a bit of a challenge, no way around it. We have been really blessed with a happy baby and all things considered it was not that bad. This time around, British Airways was not that bad and actually helped quite a bit. We never had a problem with the on-plane staff and, as usual, they were awesome. My wife had a business class ticket due to spending our points…me, I was back in cargo, er “World Traveler” class. Without asking, the staff upgraded me to Business…man, I could and cannot thank them enough. We had a cabin to ourselves with a basinet so it made things really easy. Also, the five hour layover in Heathrow is definitely bearable when one can take advantage of the BA Executive club. Aside from one episode, it was a very uneventful flight home. Captain Dumbass (that would be me), left his laptop on the airplane upon arrival at DFW. Now, in all fairness, getting off a plane with all ones crap, their wifes crap, and their daughters crap (including stroller) is a bit of a challenge. Fortunately, the dudes cleaning out the airplane were honest, found my laptop and returned it to baggage claim and we were off!

Because we had planned on being in Kenya a bit longer than we ended up staying…we had a TON of baggage. Showing up at the airport in Nairobi with nine overweight bags and trying to get them all shipped out was a real challenge. Normally, in Nairobi, one can flash a few bills and get a lot of things done. It is pretty much like that everywhere there. One can actually get used to it after awhile. Can’t get a seat at a restaurant? Flash some cash. Don’t want a speeding ticket? Flash some cash. Got too many bags and don’t want to pay the fees…seems they want a LOT of cash. Fortunately we were able to get it all on but we did draw some suspicious glares upon arriving at DFW. Loading up three luggage carts, all over stacked and over loaded…hey, we made it home, right? That is what I was thinking…

Because the in-laws brought two vehicles (they had to because of our luggage), I got to drive home from the airport. It was a bit unnerving after so many months driving on the left side of the road. Also being used to just pulling out in front of someone when you want to go or want to change lanes makes for a bit of a challenge too. It works freaking great on the freeway driving my Avalanche. Some butthole doesn’t want to let me in? I still remember 9th grade geometry stating that no two points can exist in the exact same place at the exact same time. That seems to apply to vehicles on the freeway too!!! Just move like you don’t care and they will make room for you. I have learned to ignore “hooting” (honking ones horn) and can just smile as I drive along. So, if you are driving in DFW, you see a silver Avalanche with its turn signal on…don’t be a butthole. I’m coming over one way or another and I’m willing to test that point/time/place theory.

After arriving at my in-laws house, the chaos started. We have three; very cool nephews aged 11, 7, and 4 that were really happy to see their cousin return. We were completely shot after traveling and unloading the luggage yet again and struggled to hang out and be sociable. Our time clocks were still telling us it was around 3:00am…our faces looked like it was nest week. Our poor daughter had circles the size of hockey pucks showing but she was a real trooper. By the time we got all our ducks in a row, visiting done, and ready for bed, it was pretty much 8:00am for me and there was no sleep in the immediate future for me.

FRIDAY! No “Thank God its Friday” here…Friday sucked! Seeing how we sold our house to move to Kenya we were officially homeless for the first time in our lives. Fortunately, we have a great friend that offered us his home to “squat” in until we find our new home. He is currently working on a military assignment in California (Engineer) so it worked out really, really well. Moving our crap…that is another story. While my wife worked diligently to get our daughters first birthday party ready, I was moving previously mentioned luggage back and forth to the new pad. Add to that we had no food, toilet paper, soap, nothing. Running on vapors, we managed to get all of our stuff done and moved into our new temporary home…just one thing. THE FREAKING AIRCONDITIONING BROKE! Ok, we have been living for the past four months without air conditioning…shouldn’t be that big a deal, right? September in Texas…someone did not get the message that summer is over! It has averaged 95+ degrees with God knows how high of humidity… Constant sweat running down ones butt crack is pretty special as is sleeping in a pool of liquid-like sheets. Add to this that we do not have television service or Internet service installed yet and I begin to wonder if I am back in a really, really hot and uncomfortable Nairobi? We did get a window unit for the bedroom finally, but the rest of the house just plain sucks right now.

Saturday was the BIG DAY! Our daughter’s first birthday party, being held at my wives friends house, was to start at 1:00pm. We had grandparents in town, 20+ friends and family showing up, cakes ordered while still in Kenya to pick up, a big honking bounce house to coordinate and we are walking around like “Night of the Living Dead”… All things considered, it was a smashing success. The cake, that my wife obsessed over for about three weeks slaving online, hours of international phone calls to bakeries, and thousands of pictures compared…ended up being very, very nice. The bounce house, which I initially scoffed, was a big success with all the kids…who woulda thunk it? I took the easy way out and manned the grill, cooking hamburgers and hotdogs…that was definitely the safest place for me. It was great catching up with friends and family, seeing familiar faces made being home all the more special. Sunday, we had a second birthday party for some other family members that were not able to make it Saturday and an opportunity for us to be able to catch up a bit too. That was an evening party, got started a bit late and ended up getting home around midnight that night…sleepy baby in tow. Needless to say, Monday we did not get a whole lot accomplished

Tuesday was the BIG DAY! My wife started her new job. The upside is having a job setup to come back to so quickly, the downside is having a job you have to go back to so quickly. Considering the jet lag, long weekend, no air conditioning, and the baby she was going to have a tough go of it. With her having to get up at 3:30 in the morning to make a 6:00am flight sucks as does getting home at 7:00pm that night. I don’t know which was harder, her having to go to work or her having to live with me taking care of our daughter all by myself. I don’t know if she was expecting to come home to a wrecked house, Rayna walking around with a day-old diaper hanging precariously by a single strap and covered in food and dirt… She probably had good reason to be concerned all things considered. However, I think she was pleasantly surprised arriving to a house that looked pretty much the same as when she left and a baby that was clean and happy to see Mommy home. The next big step will be Mommy being gone for two days starting Thursday morning…overnight and can Daddy bathe, feed, keep up…again, she probably has reason for concerns but this author feels it can be handled.

All in all, we have not had a lot of time to reflect on being back…and that is good. Being busy helps get on with our lives and assimilate back to the hectic pace that is living in the U.S.A. Where we were going bananas in Kenya not having anything to do, not knowing many people, and wondering what to do with our time; now we are having time blaze by and not able to keep up with the things we want to do, need to do, and even expectations of others...what they want us to do. Looking back, I do not think I necessarily miss living the “Hakuna Matata” lifestyle in Kenya…yet. I am, however, very glad that I had an opportunity to do it and just may look forward to reliving it in the future. Maybe the 2nd birthday? Time shall tell…
Peace,
Dude
FBO

Returning to the States...so a Top 10 List?

2009-09-03T02:03:00.001-07:00

Ok, I cannot tell you how nice it is to be sitting the club lounge here at Heathrow…back in “civilization” again. Food I recognize, climate control (forgot what air conditioning felt like), and generally feeling like we are back in the 21st century again. What a treat it is to have TRUE high-speed internet again…wow. I am happy with it, even thought I HATE London Heathrow Airport. Security SUCKS, there are LONG walks everywhere…definitely not kid friendly…and I am still pissed about how the treated my wife a few months back. I can overlook that for the conveniences for the time being….

With us leaving and I am sure that I am forgetting a lot, I wanted to include a “Top Ten List” of things I will NOT miss about living in Kenya…..

10: MOSQUITO CONTROL

Sure, there are mosquito’s everywhere…especially in Texas! Matter of fact, there are some times I would think it was the State Bird, not a pesky insect that itches. Here, they are really tiny but pack a big punch! The guidebooks and medical folks will all tell you that one needs not to worry about mosquito’s in Nairobi, mostly because the elevation is between 5500-6000 feet. Talk to any Niarobian and you will find they have ALL had malaraia at least once…usually a few times more. Folks we know have had family members die from malaria…and these folks got it HERE IN NAIROBI! So, maybe the guidebooks are full of crap? I don’t know, but especially when you have an infant in your care, you really have to step-up the care. Every night…come hell or high water…we plug in the VAPE’s and install the chips. VAPE’s are very small appliances that have heated elements on top and a slot that allows a wooden chip to be slid directly on to the element. These wooden chips are soaked in some kind of mosquito killer and they appear to work decently enough. We have two of them, one for our daughter’s room and one for our bedroom. It works great in our daughter’s bedroom as the door remains shut…our room, not so much.

Invariable one hears the “buzzzzzzzzzzwheeezzzzzzz” at around 3:30am and gets up. It SUCKS not having proper screens here…really ANY screens for that matter. Our daughter has a mosquito net that she sleeps under, which is a must for an infant…in my humble opinion. The wife and I have learned to sleep in long-sleeve shirts, long pants…and DO NOT LET ONE’S FEET HANG OUT FROM UNDERNEATH THE COVERS!!! My toes are chewed beyond recognition…one day I will learn this. Additionally, I have started a new form of “artwork” in our small rental home. Trying to see exactly how many different splat-marks I can get on any one surface…ceilings, walls, you name it. On average, I probably kill 10 mosquito’s a day in our home. There is a virtual cloud outside…I am very proud that our daughter has yet to be bitten.

The final thing to add to the list…I will not miss the smell of DOOM. Doom is the local bug-killer spray and it smells like a combination of Raid and inner-tubes. Supposedly it is something you can spray inside and not bother ya, but in an almost 500 sq/ft house…a mouse could fart and it would stop your breath…much less Doom.

9: DUST…EVERYWHERE

We have our house cleaned six days a week. Each day, our house is swept, dusted, furniture wiped, counters and walls wiped, then the floors wet-mopped…and there is still dust every freaking where. The dirt in this part of Kenya is very, very fine…makes sand seem like boulders. Add to that the windows do not seal properly and if one wants any kind of air-movement, the windows have to be opened sans-screens. Tennis shoes need to be washed weekly to remotely resemble anything other than reddish-brown hues, our daughter’s pajamas are almost permanently brown at the knees and feet, and when you wear sandals your feet turn a funny color almost immediately. Socks are stained reddish-brown around the ankles and one can almost taste it. Go to any restaurant, anywhere in the city and take a wet-wipe to the table and I guarantee it will come away brown…makes you wonder?
Of real concern, electrical components suck the crap in like no tomorrow. The netbook I am using for this blog REALLY needs the dirt unloaded out of it soon lest corn start growing out the vents. It definitely shortens the lifespan of anything electronic, especially anything that has a cooling fan cycling air through it.

8: NO HIGHSPEED INTERNET

Kenya is one of the most well connected countries on the continent…other than South Africa. Seems like that is a mantra here…”We are almost as good as South Africa!” Most anywhere you go, you can get internet access. They have wireless networks that span the city (for a fee). Most every mall, coffee shop, cyber café, etc… has “high-speed” internet access available either for free assuming you buy something from them or for a small fee. Funny that they call it “High Speed”! IF this is high-speed, then I assume the regular-speed internet is a bunch of monkeys pushing zero and one buttons, sending them one at a time, back and forth between ones computer and the outside world…
The best I have been able to find is a 3G dongle available from one of the local cell phone service providers, SafariCom. 3G is blazingly fast in the States and I was excited to have it available here prior to my arrival…then I got here. It is somewhat expensive…but what convenience isn’t in Kenya? If one wants to actually “Use” the net, it is VERY expensive. Sticking to mostly just emails (assuming folks would quit sending 1MB + files), a few low-res websites, and an occasional web search…one can get by at “close” to the cost in the States…but service is spotty, speed is really variable, and there does not seem to be a way to network the modem. That is the part that REALLY SUCKS! Only one person can use it at a time which means that our only means of entertainment and contact with the outside world has to be shared. If my wife and I had not watched Sesame Street growing up, I am sure there would have been a blood-bath by now.

Finally, I bought a new netbook, purchased an upgraded version of Skype with local number, a VPN (a tunnel that makes it look like my internet connection is in the United States) all so that we could communicate with Grandma’s and others back in the States utilizing the really-cool video conferencing feature and also unlimited local calls to the States. Both sets of Grandparents got new netbooks so that they could also easily utilize the features and we spent considerable amount of time getting it all setup prior to our departure. What a kick in the butt to find out speeds are not fast enough here to really use it and it is too costly, regardless…at least the phone works well…

7: POWER RATIONING/POWER IN GENERAL

When I first arrived in Kenya, I had a hard time learning how to deal with the power outages that were almost common where I was initially staying. Coming from the States, it was a shock to learn how to operate without it. Imagine at around 4:00pm the power goes out and probably does not come back on until 2:00 or 3:00am…just try to imagine it. Not just the entertainment…how do you cook? You can’t go out after dark to get food…you have to be careful about the refrigerator being opened too much… It gets dark at around 6:30pm every night, so you are operating by candles and flash lights…there would be looting and rioting in the streets of the U.S.A. if this were to happen. Now imagine your car is out of gas…and the gas station can’t pump gas because of no electricity. The “Pain in the Ass” list is endless…yet the locals here take it all in stride. Electricity is a luxury, not a necessity…something I will NEVER get used to. Hearing the neighbor’s high-dollar electrical generator kick on each night gave me serious bad-thoughts…

Then, shortly after my wife arrives here in Kenya amidst all the adversity…the government decides to start “Power Rationing” the next morning after their arrival! THAT was special! Not only did they start it, but the screwed up our area and had our electricity shut down 6 days a week instead of the prescribed 3 days a week for the first two weeks. Finally getting past that, our power is now shut off at 6:00am every Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. It usually turns back on around 6:00pm. I am sure that does not sound like it is much of a big deal…and it wouldn’t be if we were working…or had something to freaking do. Because we don’t, we sit around the house and stare at each other (it seems) until the power comes back on. It gets really expensive as each “dark ages” day we have, we try to go to a mall, eat out, and generally keep ourselves from going mad. Again, electricity is a luxury…but this writer believes it is one luxury that is borderline necessity. Think no electric coffee maker, no microwave, no hair dryer, no radio, no tv, no light, no internet, no charging cell phone, no refrigerator, no water, no electric stove, no electric oven, wiping your butt in pitch blackness…sure that is a sweet picture for ya.

The really sad thing is the rationing could have probably been prevented if not for the corruption and stupidity of the Kenyan government. They have allowed…almost encouraged the destructing of a huge forest that acts as the single largest watershed in Kenya. This is large enough that it also affects rain patterns too. It is truly sad that it seems Northern Kenya (and maybe the entire country) may slowly become part of the Sahara Desert if they are not careful

6: FUNNY MONEY

Surviving on Monopoly Money for almost four months is tough. I know it does not make sense, but it seems that Kenyan Shillings (KES) do not really have any intrinsic value. Actually, 77.53 KES seem to be worth about a dollar…kinda like Rain Man, “..what’s that worth? Oh…about a dollar.” Now, go to the grocery store and buy things that range between 20 KES and 3450 KES, or 300 KES per 100 Grams… Go to the Foreign Exchange Bureau (Forex) located at any mall, change in $100 USD and feel RICH getting 7530 KES in exchange… An average dinner costs between KES1300-2200, and a coffee is approximately KES280, 40 diapers are KES 1680, jar of baby food is KES 195, a liter of fuel is KES 80, liter of water is KES 120, and 500 ml of soda is KES 70. A 32” LCD TV is KES 47,995 and butt paste for our daughter is KES 1070 for 500ml. Cell phone time comes in increments of between KES 100 to KES 1000, and variable how long it lasts depending on text messages vs. phone calls and which network they are made to. All of this adds up to a humongous pain in the ass to keep track of how many U.S. Dollars one still has in the account. Sure, the locals probably are reading this and thinking, “…what? Oh, and KES 1000 is about $13…

5: SECURITY CONCERNS AND SCREW WHITEY!

I am really, really looking forward to being able to go about anywhere, at anytime, and not worry about either being mugged, carjacked, or even screwed because I am white. Sounds kind of selfish, I know…but I am comfortable with making that statement.

Never before in my life have I worried about going out at night. Of course, I also did not go to less-than-desirable neighborhoods. Too bad all of “Nairobbery” is a pretty crappy area once night falls. Knowing certain areas and certain roads are really prone to carjacking is one thing…but there is a percentage chance anywhere that it might happen after 8:00pm or so sucks. In some areas one has to really worry about pick pockets, thieves on the roads breaking into your car as you drive in traffic and most importantly…ONLY THE BAD GUYS CARRY GUNS!!!! I like the fact that, in Texas, if someone tries to rob my house or myself, I can blow their F’ing head off. I like the deterrent of having a gun I can use in case of emergency. Kenya is a PERFECT example of why our 2nd Amendment rights are so very important. When only the criminals carry guns and can act with impunity as there is no fear of retribution…your city gets called “Nairobbery” instead of “Nairobi”. Can you tree-hugging pansy’s get this through your pointy little heads? Seriously?

I am also looking forward to “one price” at all stores. When a white guy/Mzungu/Cracker/Whatever walks into some places…even National Parks…they can expect to immediately pay a higher price. Walk into any pharmacy and all prices are negotiable…they will charge whitey much more than local Kenyan. I can understand why they treat Mzungu poorly and prefer to provide service to locals prior to Mzungu…I can deal with it. However, having to figure out what the Cracker Price List is prior to buying anything or going anywhere sucks ass. Can you imagine if, in the United States, someone charged an African American person more…because they were black and they could? Dear God…I cannot even imagine…Jesse Jackass and his merry henchmen would be crawling out of the woodwork.

4: NASTY WATER

Montezuma’s revenge is not just in Mexico anymore…when there is water due to shortages. Cattle dying in the streets, nasty diseases… But most of all, DEAD RATS IN THE WATER SUPPLY!!!!!!! Enough said.

3: WHERE’S THE BEEF?

As has been documented, many times, on this blog…I will not miss the crap they use as an excuse for beef. The Texas Cattle Growers Association would sue if they knew they were calling it “beef”. All the rest of the food is pretty good and some of it WAY better than in the states… Potatoes are really different…a big one is the size of a golf ball…baked potatoes have a bit of a different effect here. Chicken, better; Indian food, better; Italian food, better; Hamburgers, taste like ass…

2: POLLUTION

I lived in Los Angeles during the Summer of 1994. While sitting on the 405 freeway in Long Beach, I thought I had experienced pollution at its finest. Actually, it was like fresh-air compared to parts of Nairobi! Big trucks belching black smoke…small trucks and cars belching black smoke too; it is amazing to see what no emissions standards can do. I am in no way, shape, or form giving the tree-hugging sissies in the States any credit…but I have a growing appreciation for the changes made in 1974. Just like L.A., there are mountains VERY close that one never really sees (or used to be that way in L.A.), eyes burn on the freeways, and we slowly got used to the fact that we had to address BBS (Black Booger Syndrome) upon reaching home each afternoon. Headaches and sinus problems have been paramount…and we thought that leaving the allergie-ridden middle of the United States would solve them? Nope. Pollution headaches are worse. Sure, a mediocre health care system, abject poverty, and lack of education probably are the key indicators of the shorter lifespan of a Kenyan compared to an American…but breathing in all this black crap cannot be helping…

1: DRIVING A LA KENYAN

At last, the thing I will miss the least…FREAKING MATATUS! All things that suck about driving in Kenya (almost) can be attributed to these stupid things. Kenyans all seem to accept that these buses-of-death have an unalienable right to drive like buttholes. They can cut anyone off, regardless if they are clipping along at 100 Km per hour or if traffic has been standing still. They can drive on the sidewalks, swerve any direction without notice…I guarantee if one let loose about 20 of them in the States…they would all be shot dead within the hour.

Traffic, albeit chaotic, seems to work for Kenyans though. Slowly, I have learned that if I want to cross a busy street, I just plow right ahead and know that the oncoming cars “should” stop. With no rules and folks can still get to/from their destinations without thousands of deaths is beyond me. Add to this the worst roads on planet Earth…seriously, I think one could see some of these potholes from space…it is truly amazing in retrospect. Regardless, I am ready for the driving experience that is only available in the States…smooth roads, rules, and order. In a big-ass truck driving on the “Right” side of the road..A la Americana….

Peace,

Dude
FBO

Last Weekend in Kenya

2009-08-30T12:03:00.000-07:00

Well, we are starting to pack our bags, get used to our surroundings, and still having some unique, truly “Kenyan” experiences! As said before, our departure is bittersweet at best. I cannot help but feel angry, at times, for the reason we have to leave. Supposedly, from many angles, people have told us that there must be a higher/bigger plan for us. I am prone to believe that as I follow those lines. Still doesn’t take the bad taste out of my mouth. Regardless, there have been a ton of “experiences” that will not only make us better, more rounded people but also more tolerant too.

This weekend, we got up and took a bit of a trip to the Langata Giraffe Center which is about a kilometer or so from our house. Was really cool to see the Giraffe’s up close, feed them. It is a private conservation center that has a few different species of Giraffe’s and it is quite cool to hear them called by name as well as hear about their individual personalities. Our daughter had a great time and was really geeked about them. I got some decent pictures of her feeding them and some of the wife too. They had a turtle exhibit with turtles the size of a large suitcase…seriously, I think you could put a saddle on these things and s…l…o…w…l…y ride off into the sunset.

We have rediscovered “DP” or Diamond Plaza. When we came here a couple of years ago, it was our favorite place in Nairobi. Because I was learning how to drive and just learning how to navigate the city…and DP is quite a bit away from Karen…it had presented some challenges. I had perfected the long drive to Westgate Mall, which is the small slice of Americana we indulge in about once a week, and finally realized a couple of weeks ago it is actually quite close to DP. So, took an adventure, drove for 10 minutes when I could have actually driven two, and figured out how to get there and back!

DP has the best Indian food I have ever eaten. My in-laws are first generation Indians that immigrated here in the early 1960’s, my wife was born in the States. Because of the in-laws status, they eat a ton of Indian food…they prefer it to American food (and I kind of agree with them on some of it). I hate to say it, but this food is better than what we eat out in the States (and some home cooked meals). Period. The food has almost zero grease, really fresh ingredients (their Palak is to die for). The best dosas I have ever seen/eaten in my life (thank you Chowpatys). They take service to a whole new level too. Imagine walking up to a table in an outside food-court. Then imagine 15 Africans mauling you, almost literally, shoving menus in your face…all talking at once…all reading the menu to you, trying to be louder than their compadres… That is the one thing that sucks. To the un-initiated, it would be an experience that would make you never go back. I sat there and took it all in for a minute or so and then noticed my wife was about to blow a gasket as they had taken to touching my daughter and her toys…that is a huge no-no in my wife’s book. So, I yelled out loudly, “…either back the hell off or we are leaving!” Mzungu are easy prey…they are not supposed to talk back like this…they just shell out money, right? Finally, this Mzungu is starting to get used to being Kenyan…just in time to leave. Funny, we knew who we were going to eat from prior to sitting down. This happens every time and it starts to become humorous after awhile…I cannot imagine how my family would react if I brought them here…the waiters would probably be bleeding if I brought Grandma and Auntie Paula….*snicker*

DP is not just a food place, it also has a ton of different stores that are all oriented towards the Indian Community. The Indian community is quite large here in Nairobi. In the late 1800’s, the British brought over a TON of Indians from India to build the railroad from Mombasa to Uganda (the lunatic line). Seems they brought a bunch of Punjabi’s as there seems to be a ton more of them than the other Indians. Punjabi’s tend to be a bit bigger, the “warriors” of India and probably much better suited to build a railway than the pencil-neck geeks that are from farther North or South. ****Side note, I am not an expert on Injuns, I am just married to one, have many Injun friends and make observations…no offense meant, so get over it**** Because of this mass-migration, once the railway was built the Indians that were still here saw a great opportunity to open convenience stores, clothing stores, restaurants, and electronics stores (sound familiar US and UK?) DP is the Mecca that is all Indian, for sure complete with Indian Grocery store, liquor store, numerous clothing stores, jewelry stores, electronic stores, banks, computer services, and bakeries. We mainly go for the food but in the past have bought some great clothing for a decent price and awhile back picked up a great getup for my daughter to wear on her first “Indian” birthday party…she is going to look really great! As I type this, I am getting hungry and would just about give up my left arm for Pani Puri, Masala Pappadaum, and Mysore Masala Dosa….I’m really hungry.

With just three days left, we thought we were going to be really boring…mostly packing our stuff up, arranging the shipping of our animals back home…generally just getting our affairs in order. Things had been going really smoothly until a couple of days ago, my wife made a comment that there seemed to be a strange odor in the water. I sniffed it real good and it seemed fine. My wife is pretty paranoid about things like this and it was easy to dismiss it. Considering that water is held in a tank in the attic, it is not uncommon for the water to be a bit “tainted”…if you know what I mean. It is actually well water that is pumped up once a day into a 30 gallon tank that feeds the whole house. A day later, we were bathing my daughter and it appeared that she had gone #2 in the water…it smelled, according to my wife. I smelled nothing and did a VERY close inspection…I kinda wanted her to apologize to our 11 month old daughter for such a horrible accusation! Geeze…make our kid grow up with some kinda #2 complex or something…

This morning (Sunday), we got up and she again complained about the water. This time I smelled it and though “…oh my God, somebody crapped in our water tank!” It stunk…dear God it stunk. I was immediately on the phone, texting our landlord about the feces-infused odiferous present coming out of our water taps. I kept thinking; ok, there is a huge drought, the water table has fallen really low and somehow the sewer has drained into our drinking water well (bore hole). We have great landlords and they had a plumber over here within 15 minutes of sending them a text message stating “Uh, there is the strong smell of feces/sewage coming from our water faucets, can you please help?” When the plumber came over, I started to give him my theory and just like in the States, he was not really interested in it. He had to verify that the water actually stunk…and this guy was pretty gamey himself almost smelling worse than the water. I gave him a glass of it and he stuck his nose in it and almost started to take a drink of it (I thought). Moments before the water touched his lips, he jerked back, looked at us and said “your water smells no good”. No shit…

After working on the problem for a about an hour, we are to the point where we need to get leaving…so I went outside to find both the plumbers outside playing with some steel mesh and a long stick. I asked them if they found the problem…and they said yes…dead rat…we need to get out. I brushed my freaking teeth with this water!!!! GAG! What the hell…how does a dead rat get in our water tank? And just how long does the rat have to be in there before it stinks up the whole house? Dear God!!! STOP THE MADNESS… Come to find out, the critter chewed its way through the lid of the tank to get a drink, fell in and drowned…as they removed it from the tank and walked it through the house the unmistakable smell of road-kill/dead animal permeated the whole house like only something dead can. We spend hundreds of dollars a year on candles, potpourri, glade thingys…and none have come up with the ability to smell up a large area so quickly and efficiently as a dead animal. And this thing was big. If it were spread out it would be about 10” nose to tail.

This has been the final straw in the Kenya Experiment for my wife…she is officially done with it. There have been so many challenges, so many hurdles…and we have pretty much taken them all in stride. However, having dead rat in ones mouth and bathing ones infant in dead rat somehow ices the cake. We are now packing quite happily, looking forward to a real bed, a real shower, and water that does not come pre-soaked in dead rodent…gives eau de toilette a whole new meaning.

We land at DFW on Thursday afternoon after spending about 24 hours traveling and although we will have severe jet lag, sleep deprivation that traveling with an infant can only bring…expectations of family for us to be happy, spend time catching up, going out to eat, and all that crap…we truly look forward to it…and finally watching Fox News after a four month plus deprivation…

Peace,

Dude
FBO

Bureaucratic BS….or other words, Kenyan Standard Operating Procedure

2009-08-24T08:44:00.000-07:00

Ok, so one of the reasons we came here to Kenya was so that my wife could work as a physician. When she was going through Medical School, Internship, and Residency she made a promise to God that if she fulfilled all her obligations, she would donate some time to the needy. Not only that, but it makes her feel good too.

I am blessed with an incredibly smart and hardworking wife. She completed her residency at Henry Ford Health Systems in Detroit, MI about six years ago. Since that time, she has worked mostly as a hospitalist…meaning you darn sure do not want her to be your doctor. She only treats patients that are really sick and have to be admitted to the hospital, usually managing multiple chronic diseases at a time, like Congestive Heart Failure combined with Kidney Failure. From what I have heard, unsolicited from various physicians, my wife is very good at what she does. It is not just her clinical abilities, but patients tend to really appreciate her personal touch to each patient she works with. Regardless of all of that, she is a very good Internist with excellent training and plenty of valuable experience.

Here in Kenya there is a shortage of doctors. I think it is on the order of one doctor available for every 7000-8000 Kenyans. Compare that to the U.S which has a doctor for every 390 Americans…there is a bit of a delta. Also, there are a lot of folks that cannot even really afford health care. Before there are the comparisons of health care unavailable in the States…do not even start. There is NO comparison. Period. If you think there is, you are full of crap.

With a shortage of doctors, and that number is a little un-transparent if you want to include the term “good” in front of Doctors. The physicians in Kenya, if they were trained in Kenya…are not necessarily top-shelf. Of course, there are surely excellent doctors here! Do not get me wrong and when all you buttholes out there that start writing me messages regarding my misuse of facts that there are excellent doctors here…you are, again, full of crap if you think the training here is the same as in the United States or India or Great Britain…so much so that your eyes are turning brown.

Regarding this shortage; one would think that the government would be willing to do something to overcome a shortage and to bolster what is good for Kenyans. One would think better trained physicians offering their services for free would be a good idea? Nope. The bureaucracy here is as thick as their intellect and the hospital administration just as thick. I think that if you can fog a mirror, assure inconsistency, and speak out of your ass…YOU TOO CAN BE A HOSPITAL ADMINISTRATOR! We have spent a month making contacts, going to the Medical Board…even carrying letters from various physicians and hospitals trying to get not just a Kenyan Medical License but also a Kenyan Work Permit…NOT TO EARN MONEY BUT TO DONATE TIME! No luck yet. It actually is no different if she wanted to do it right now to make money…i.e. if we were going to stay. To peel through the onion-like layers of the crap is tedious at best. And they wonder why the best talent looks to leave this country, have and always will look for better places to earn a living.

Not really funny, but interesting; the Kenyan government has a track record of making poor decisions allowing their citizens to die in preference to either the members of governments best interest or their stupidity, greed, corruption…God knows what drives them.

There was an article in the Saturday Nation newspaper this week that went into detail about in 1986, folks being rounded up on the street because the government was paranoid that there might be folks either going to protest openly and/or a revolt of sorts…all of it appears to be unfounded in retrospect. No matter, these people were brought in off the street…prominent people in the community and subjected to REAL torture. Not being water boarded or forced to listen to loud music or maybe a room that was uncomfortable. No, they were chained down and had their scrotums burned with cigarettes and needles run through their penises and the tips of their fingers…no food or sunlight for weeks…being held in feces-loaded water; all of this sanctioned by the government that was founded to protect the people.

When the drought started last year the government was swift to move into action! It was determined very early that there would be a food shortage. The staple food here is Maize…most all of the locals eat it with most every meal. It is very simple, 1 cup of maize meal to 2 cups of water (ratio) , boil the water, add the maize slowly and stir until one cannot really stir anymore. Let it set-up like bread and eat it with gravy of vegetables and maybe a small amount of meat. No matter, the maize is the bulk of the meal and vital to the health of the general public. The valiant government stepped up and bought up all the maize…then stored it so that prices would double in time of drought, then they could sell it for a huge profit to their starving constituents.

Granted, all of this sounds very familiar to Obama and his Liberal goon-friends…and I am sure happened under Bush and every other president to some extent. However, it has never happened so outlandishly, so brazen, and so out-in-front of the public. The government is a joke here. The locals all just kind of shrug, laugh it off, and say it is better now than under Moi. Right now, getting pissed on beats getting crapped on I guess?

It is really frustrating dealing with the Kenyan Government, for sure. It is even more frustrating to know what a freaking great country this could be here. There is a HUGE opportunity coming here very shortly regarding communications…the big fiber-optic hub being drug across the Indian Ocean into Kenya. This will give the same capabilities of, say Austin, TX or Tulsa, OK. Kenya can become a powerhouse of communication…Americans like Kenyan English better than East Indian English…if you know what I mean. Regardless, after living here and seeing how the government will line its pockets before doing anything at all to help its constituents…I am sure they can screw this up too. Much like a humanitarian looking to do some good, outsiders will come here to help the Kenyans. Give them a fish, you can feed them a day, teach them to fish they can feed themselves a lifetime. Hard to do when the government steals the fishing poles, boats, lures, hooks, and owns the fish processing plants, the waters, and sells the fishing licenses…

Peace

Dude,
FBO

Two Weeks To Go...

2009-08-22T00:37:00.000-07:00

Our adventure, as it pertains to Kenya, is ending two weeks from today. Right now, we are very confused as to what we think, albeit we know that it is truly bittersweet. There are things we know we are going to miss; there are things we could give a crap about…period. I hope that there are things that we miss more so than we do not give a crap about as we really think we would like to return one day. In the past I have written about things that are really cool here, almost like I am some sort of travel agent trying to sell you on the idea of moving here. I will convey the cool things, for sure. However I am also going to try and convey the darker side of things too.

As I type this, I am sitting at a Dormans coffee shop located in a small shopping mall called “Junction”. It is like all malls in Nairobi, anchored by large supermarkets (Nakumatt’s usually) instead of Sears, J.C. Pennys, Dillards, Nordtroms, etc, etc… like in the States. It has a lot of the same conveniences that are at malls in the states. It also has the pretty much the exact same thing one can find at any mall located in Nairobi (that I have been to). As stated earlier, there is a supermarket, there is also a Chemist (drug store), Optic Store, Health Food Store, Cinemas, Dormans, Java House, a bunch of funky, WAY overpriced clothes boutiques, tourist-trap knick-knack stores, etc, etc, etc… I don’t really frequent shopping malls in the States, so I cannot say if they are the exact same everywhere one goes, but I would assume that if you went to one almost every single freaking day…because there is nothing else better to do, there is no electricity, running water, and everything in the fridge has now defrosted, frozen, defrosted, frozen God only knows how many times…it starts to suck. We have not lived here long enough to be truly “locals” but have definitely been here long enough to get past tourist status. Once the cool-factor has worn off, one really needs something to do, i.e. work, in order to enjoy a place. Unfortunately, we are beyond that now…

Our two-bedroom place we have been renting took a little bit to get used to. It is VERY small…maybe 500 sq/ft and is basically revamped servant’s quarters really. It is located in a rather safe location in Karen (which is nice) and has great landlords….other than that it SUCKS! Now I am going to go out on a limb here and assume that this is Americans trying to compare living in the States to Kenya…so be it. We rented our house “furnished” which includes furniture. The beds that came with the house, I am sure, were purchased from Marquis de Saud House of Pain. First off, the bed is like rock candy….shiny and pretty with a frame out of Mahogany. The fact that it is too short for even a 5’9” person like me to stretch out fully is frightening and it is a double that makes it difficult for my wife and I to both sleep. I understand why this is so, any bed bigger would not fit in the Master Bedroom! The major design flaw however; there is no provision for a box-spring mattress either. Instead, we have a four inch thick foam mattress. This was bearable prior to my wife getting here…barely, as I could lay diagonal and not have my toes bent. Now that the mattress has broken down to the point it takes hours to inflate back to four-inch thickness but mere seconds to compress flat against the boards underneath…my back has never hurt me in my life…now I pray I can hang in there until I get back to the States and my good old King size bed with box springs, AND a double-thick mattress with kick-ass pillow-top! This is not something one thinks about prior to relocating…will “average” rooms accommodate normal sized beds…and what the hell are the mattresses made of? I mean, I assumed from my past experiences that they would not be made out of banana leaves…or camel dung….what we have is barely better. Our couches…our dog will barely lay on…bear in mind this is a dog that likes to lie on concrete! One of the priorities I put in life is quality of sleep and relaxation. I normally only sleep maybe 5-6 hours a night on average so I need them to be relatively high-quality to remain normal; define normal, I know… Not having a couch to resort to sucks even worse. Whoever built this thing, in their infinite wisdom, thought it appropriate to place dividers between the sections made of plywood that conveniently jab one in the side if they try to lie down…and the couch is not really long enough to allow me to lay lengthwise across it. My wife, who is barely 5 foot, cannot really even lay down on it. Bring on the sectionals we have in storage!!! Especially the one with built-in recliners at each end…I’m coming home baby!

Being kept in the loop…that is something that is bittersweet too. Prior to my departure, I `was definitely a Fox News junky…First there was Sheperd, then Neil, followed by Glenn, Shep, Bill, and then Sean. Every day it played during the day in the background. While I was working or doing whatever, I kept an ear out to keep up on what was going on in my country. Here in Kenya, folks seem to be pretty in tune to the happenings going on in their country. However, unlike here in the States, they do not act like blind sheep falling on grenades and selling their souls to support a stupid ideal. Here, they are informed and have their own opinions, not what the newspapers or television tells them to have…actually unique opinions. It is quite refreshing compared to the sissies in the United States blindly following that loser who runs with Pelosi, Reid, Reed, and Frank…it is so pathetic and appalling…I do not even understand it. Keeping up with the happenings in the States is tough here. Internet is too expensive to really utilize to watch news clips and the news here is either biased European crap or worse, Al Jazeera… Obviously, if you are interested in Kenyan politics and news, this is a great place…however predicting that government officials will be stealing from the public, poor people will starve and die…will be the news of the day in various flavors for the next four or five years. I am ready for different story lines, stories that challenge my imagination as the “Anointed One” has his popularity numbers plummet like Isaac Newton testing it against gravity.

FM Radio…sure, I am probably the only person on planet Earth that does not own an iPod. Fortunately, I have always been pleased by what I can listen to on the radio. During weekdays, I was used to listening to AM Talk Radio, something that one cannot find here in any fashion. There is definitely talk radio, but most all of it is in Kiswahili or talks about crap I have zero interest in. Now granted, I would rather listen to Kiswahili than the crap Air America plays or anything that our Liberal government wants us to listen to if they should pass “Alinsky Jujitsu” in regards to the “fairness doctrine”. Look both of those up; if it does not scare you, you are stupid. I also really miss the strong FM radio selection that we have in the United States. Here, there are 20 different rap stations playing the same 20 songs….over and over and over and over…. There is one rock station that plays a decent selection…great on Sunday mornings and very late at night but random and off-beat the rest of the day. I miss Classic Rock stations, real Rock stations, and generally being able to find something awesome to listen to almost any time….anywhere.

I have talked about the food quite a bit before. Always mentioning the really great fruits, vegetables and chicken that is available here. True, I have never lived anywhere that this great a fruit selection existed…but I am not a primate, I require real meat to be happy and healthy. There is only so much chicken that I can really eat before I am pretty much guaranteed to not eat it ever again…and I am rapidly reaching that point. They call chicken “kuu kuu” (like cookoo clock) and it is about to drive my wife and I both “kuu kuu”. They do have beef here, but as I have said previously, it would make people think eating beef is a very bad idea. Can you imagine? Not being able to get a decent hamburger ANYWHERE! Even steaks suck here. Matter of fact, imagine your school cafeteria getting a hold of some poor cuts of steak, then trying to prepare them and serve to kids…by probably baking them or something. That is what a steak is like here. Now I will pat myself on the back, I am a master at grilling steaks on a charcoal weber grill. Matter of fact, with good steaks, I will put mine up against Three Forks, Ruths Chris, Shulas…and I can flat blow away a place like Outback. I do not care how good one is with a grill, the quality of meat here will prevent one from creating anything worthy of even a “sizzler” experience… All one really needs to do is look at the quality of the cattle here. Most of them can be seen herded along various roads near where I live…stopping traffic as they meander from ditch to ditch looking for their next meal…eating ditch-weed. You can see each and every bone in their bodies…in the States folks would call the SPCA on the herders for cruelty to animals. There are no facilities for great cows, so no great beef. Full tenderloins weigh less than 2.2 pounds…probably closer to Nine pounds in the US. This is even true of “free range” “Happy Cow” Organic beef…excellent grains and grasses fed to these beautiful animals instead of various weeds than can be found in ditches… Score one for American Ranchers and Farmers, for sure! So, to that end, my first meal is going to be a hamburger from Kincaids…probably the best burger out money can buy. After that, I am going to purchase a killer, Prime KC Strip or Bone-In Ribeye and grill it a perfect Rare to Medium-Rare and enjoy 18-20 Ounces of pure heaven…

Water…everyone knows that it is a life-source and something humans cannot live without. Having to deal with it here is something entirely different. When we were here the last time, it was a bit different. Most importantly, there was not a severe water shortage. As mentioned previously, the water shortage has led to an electrical shortage (hydroelectric generators…only…yet another good example for Obama and his cronies to visit). Not just an electrical shortage, but shortages where folks do not have running water in their houses… Folks who rely on wells find out that the increased demand has drained wells that have been “full” for a century… Not just the availability, but what is available one cannot drink. One can, but as mentioned earlier it is a deal with the devil in regards to getting hard-core diarrhea or possibly worse… There could be a real fear of Cholera in parts of Kenya due to nasty water being the only water. Imagine being thirsty and the only thing wet is the sewage ditch leaving your town…or dead livestock laying everywhere because of no water! Not only am I looking to taking a long, hot shower...not only am I looking forward to being able to “drink the water”….not only am I looking forward to having hot water on-tap….not only am I looking forward to being morbidly afraid of being killed by a water delivery truck…but most importantly what I am looking forward to is having ice in my drinks once again. Can the average American consider, for a minute, what it is like to not have ice in a soda or water or tea?

The final thing I am really looking forward to is familiarity. Something that has been lost for the past four months…something that I didn’t think I would ever be thankful for. However, when I need to go find AA batteries, car parts, groceries, medicines, butt paste, or even where I can go for a walk without fear of being mugged or hit by a crazy KC in their Land Rover. There is no doubt that I have enjoyed the Kenyan experience, am a better person for it, and will miss many, many things sorely. I truly wish things had worked out a bit better for us…and there is a very good chance that we shall someday return…this place has gotten into our blood. We still love the people, the lifestyle, and the culture…there are things that we are going to find out we miss and love once we arrive back in Texas. Truly there is no Utopian society, albeit all have their plusses and minuses. Which one best fits one…well, it’s kinda like shoes, one has gotta try on quite a few and walk a lotta miles in em to figure out what are the favorite, most comfortable pair ever. Kenya is definitely like a comfortable pair of shoes. Fortunately, we have a comfortable pair back home too.

Attack of the Killer Caterpillars...

2009-08-13T10:32:00.000-07:00

It seems that although my wife and I are not working at the moment and are not really doing the “tourist” thing here in Kenya…we always manage to find ways to keep ourselves entertained. This can be difficult assuming we and everyone within 10 Kilometers (it seems) has no electricity and a large percentage of folks have no water either. One great benefit of this is that it allows us to play with our daughter a lot more and often than we previously did. We brought all of her toys with us here to Kenya and they have been a real boon! Add to that the portable DVD player reserved solely for non-electrical Sesame Street DVD Days, and we really consider ourselves fortunate.

Today was a great start of a day! There was sunshine, it was not too cold finally and I was able to make a cup of coffee by boiling water on the propane stove and then using a coffee press instead of the standard coffee maker I have been using. The coffee press I have at home that was bought in the States was a really good one and makes excellent coffee. The one here…not so good as it leaves a fair amount of grit in ones teeth and does not quite “seal” when plunging. That is ok, as I guess I do not mind chewing my coffee down…just cannot chew my milk down for sure.

Rayna slept in late (until probably 9:00am) and woke up in a phenomenal mood! Giggling, wanting to play; she even went to the toy bag on her own and started bringing me toys. She does not normally do that. So, I took the toys and we started playing. We played for almost an hour and had an absolute blast! We practiced the new words she is picking up (Daddy, Mommy, Kitty, “Woof”, “Moo”, tickle, Grandma, Nana, more, yes, no, etc..” and stacked rings and blocks ad nausea. We fed her morning cereal and she got a second wind and started tearing at the toys again. Throwing things, crawling and falling everywhere…

She crawls behind where I am sitting so I turn to watch her play. She has picked up a pack of gum and throwing it randomly. She throws it one last time, picks it up…and I will remember this for the rest of my born days. Her head rolls slowly to the right with a look I have never seen before but understood as a combination of fear, curiosity, and pain…within seconds of getting eye-contact with her Daddy she develops a blood-curdling scream that has never been heard before either. Her Mommy was in the shower and couldn’t figure out what in the heck I had done. As I knock over the chair to get to where she is, I notice there is a cute and fuzzy caterpillar on the floor. Caterpillars do not bite, do they?

In the United States, caterpillars are cool little worms that kids catch and let them turn into beautiful butterflies. I am relatively sure as hell they do not bite! Matter of fact, I have never heard of a caterpillar accident in my life other than squishing one a bit too hard until the juice comes out… However, my experience with “African” caterpillars is quite limited. Seems these really cute caterpillars, when molested, act very similar to a porcupine; when I looked closely there were probably a hundred spines stuck all over my daughters hand, fingers, and thumb. Now what the heck do I do? Not much experience with porcupine caterpillars…so I guess I will call someone. So, I call a local friend of ours, Sonia, who has raised children and grown up here. I briefly explain to her what has happened and she asks me what color the caterpillar was. I said “red” but let me check…once I came back and told her it was brown/black and not red, she said “oh no…”

I don’t like “oh no’s” much. When I say it around my dog, she almost literally pees right where she stands as the fear of wrath grips her. Oh no is never good… So, she says she is going to make a call and call us back. During this time, I remember my first aid kit I made up and got the plastic tweezers out of it and proceeded to pull out as many of the caterpillar “hairs” as I could. The daughter was not appreciative of it, but figured it had to be done. We get a call back and were advised to soak her hand in warm salt water to relieve pain and act as an antiseptic…so that is what we did. In addition, the wife found the number to the local clinic in Karen and gave them a call. I had already downplayed it a bit until I heard my wife say “…Honey, how quickly can we get there? They will see her right away…” Oh no (again). I say we can be there in 10-15 minutes. I hear something in my head talking about potential anaphylactic shock (I am horribly allergic to bees, hornets, and wasps) and get my butt in gear.

We made a record in getting our crap together, in the car, and on the road. As we are driving down Bogani road, the car starts acting kinda weird but I guess I didn’t let it warm up completely. As I turn North onto Karen Road, the damn thing stalls on me…and does not want to restart. Oh no (again!) So, 20 minutes on the side of the road trying to figure out why the choke has stuck closed, and it is hot, and the fans are not running…crap! Fortunately, one of the Askaris (security guards) nearby actually has some mechanics wire that I can use to wire the choke open, so 20 minutes and KES150 later we are on our way, chugging and bucking the entire way. It only died one more time but at least it got us to Karen Surgery…

I hadn’t noticed, but by the time we got there my daughter had fallen asleep (this has to be good, right?) We were seen right away by the good Dr. Basil who very quickly scanned our daughter, looked at us with a sly smirk and asked “well, it looks like you have done all the necessary things…what do you want me to do?” Seems there is nothing to worry about after all…they just itch and if not taken out in time can sometimes get infected like any other organic material stuck in ones skin.

Now, we thank God that our daughter is not going to suffer serious consequences from the big, badass caterpillar! We are left at the house without transportation until we can get our borrowed vehicle fixed, which sucks. However we are grateful for everything. We always hear about not drinking the water, lions, mosquitoes, cholera, TB, HIV, drought, famine, etc…who ever heard of killer caterpillars?

Peace,

Dude
FBO

Western Medicine and Health Care...compared.

2009-08-12T04:19:00.000-07:00

I have been reading, with interest, the debate regarding the health care system in the United States over the past few weeks. Seems even moving 8,000 miles away cannot keep me completely out of politics or what is going on back home… Without television (we got rid of our TV package through Satellite about a month ago), I rely on computer and newspaper…and I cannot tell which ones are more biased at this point.

Living in Africa has given me a unique opportunity to see this issue from a different point of view. There are cries from all walks of life in America about how broken the system is. The Democrats feel that the system does not properly guarantee all citizens the right of excellent, affordable medical care, physicians are not held accountable for their actions, and that the government should predicate what services the public should receive. The Republicans appear to want zero government regulation, the system is not broken, leave it alone. The libertarians seem to think that it is each person’s responsibility to provide themselves with health care coverage and make do with the free-markets system. Here in Africa, folks just die.

There are numerous hospitals here in Nairobi…probably some of the best in Eastern Africa and outside of South Africa. Medical services are quite reasonable here. We took our daughter to a clinic, a very expensive clinic in Karen, and the total cost was about $50 USD for everything…without insurance. There are other, much more affordable clinics that will cost one about $10 to see a physician but this is in a hospital setting and one worries about what one might catch sitting in the waiting room for an hour or so prior to seeing the physician. In a land where Aids and TB affect 33% of the population…that can be worrisome. The major point is healthcare here is affordable…for those who have a good income. Those that do not…well, it is just like in the States; either go to the Government Hospital or do without.

There are a lot of smart Kenyans. No doubt. There are also a lot of smart Kenyans that are becoming physicians. They go through very similar training as American physicians except it seems that their Medical School is also part of their regular College training where US Physicians require four years of pre-med college and then another four years of medical school prior to Internship and Residency.
The Hospitals here in Nairobi, on the outside, look very much like modern hospitals in the States. They are large, have hundreds of “white coats” walking the halls and even have very nice private rooms. One of the setups we checked out was the “Princess Zhara” pavilion at Aga Khan Hospital. This is a Women’s hospital ward that has the best of the best delivery rooms in the country. Very nice, like a nice hotel and has amenities for relatives as well as mother and child. We chose to deliver in the States instead of moving here sooner because it is kind of like Rock Candy…nice and shiny on the outside but you really do not know what is inside. Nice clean rooms but does the hospital have a competent NICU? Maybe it has a CAT scan? Probably does not have an MRI scan. What about state of the art laboratories? Medicine manufactured in the States or is it made in China with melamine?

Patients are pretty much the same everywhere…except when society does not have the abilities required to follow a structured plan of recovery. For example, if there are medicines that require a strict time-table…must be taken every four hours to be effective…what if you do not own a watch? What if one believes in “traditional” healing more than “modern western” medicine? You know, sacrifice a goat and rape a virgin to cure HIV? I’m not making this crap up either… Regardless, patients that are not able to follow a structured regiment are not going to get well no matter how smart doctors are or what technology is available. I had to mention that in all fairness.

Now, the big differences between Kenya and the United States…MONEY! WEALTH! FORTUNE! HUGE HOUSES! HUGE INCOMES! MONSTROUS PAYCHECKS! It is that simple. Higher cost of medicine provides better end results…really. It is also a contributing factor as to why the rest of the world’s medicine is not as accomplished as the United States health care system. Very simply, we have the best technology, the best hospitals, the best staff, the best physician, and the best medicine…period.

U.S. Hospitals are very unique in that they have almost every medical instrument required to diagnose anything at any time. There is not an MRI machine in this area of the CONTINENT where I live now. But health care is cheap! If required, a physician can get an MRI done to find something that is wrong with a patient in the States. In Africa, India, England, Canadia…it might take WEEKS to get a test completed. Thank God it is cheaper there though.

U.S. Hospitals are also very well equipped in regards to support staff (Administration, Nursing, Maintenance, Cafeteria, Janitorial, Cleaning, Patient Education, and Support of all kinds). When one enters an American hospital, they know they will have clean water coming from the tap, sterile equipment, clean and sterile rooms (hopefully), climate control systems, consistent electricity, and a great infrastructure that guarantees excellent communication systems, tracking systems, and even cable television. Heck, U.S. hospitals even have excellent support systems of volunteer networks to assist in the process.

U.S. Physicians are the best in the world. It is not because they are American…as any idiot can see at any hospital in the States…rather it is a collection of the best people available in the world! In Six Sigma, one can find the root of most any problem by following the BOB’s and WOW’s. Best of the Best (BOB’s) and Worst of the Worst (WOW’s). There is no question that the BOB’s of the medicine world predominately practice in the United States and for one reason…MONEY! Other than the UAE and certain places in the Middle East, there is no other place in the world where a physician can earn this type of income…and very few folks want to live in a Muslim country in the middle of the desert!

This also contributes to poorer medical service in places like Nairobi…all the really good physicians want to relocate to the States to earn a great income instead of earning $36,000.00 USD a year in Kenya. Maybe $48,000.00 if they are a specialist and very good at what they do. Why in the world would they want to go to the States and earn a starting salary of $150,000.00 a year up to $1,000,000.00 a year? Each year there are thousands of foreign doctors that want to gain admission to U.S. Medical Schools and Residency programs for this reason. Also, they understand they will get the best available education in the world, albeit it will cost 10 times as much. When I am laying in a hospital bed (God forbid) dying from some disease, I do not want some “WOW” that barely made it through medical school determining my course of action…I want the “BOB’s” of the world checking me out…and I am willing to pay for it and/or suffer the consequences.

Medicine is the best of the best in the United States because free enterprise drives the best people to invest in the best practices, technology, and medicines…period. It is the envy of the world and has never been duplicated. Sure, there are people that suffer without services…but that does not mean we should make it cheap! There is cheap healthcare here in Africa! Very affordable! Why does one not see tons of people flocking here to get treated? It is cheaper in Mexico, why do the Mexicans flock to U.S. Hospitals when they could go back home and get treated cheaply or for free? Why do English folks die from cancer when there are available treatments…? Albeit expensive ones the government will not pay for? I am willing to bet that the ones that are pushing for “Free Health Care for All” would not suffer the decrease in services provided…so who is going to pay for this; the wealthy? You mean make the ones that are providing the service to suffer the cost? What is their motivation to invest $200,000.00 in medical school costs, suffer the horrors of Internship and Residency to become physicians if you are only going to take their earning potential away?

If the U.S. is not careful and allows the liberal agenda to move forward unchecked, our health
care system will deteriorate and become very similar to the less-effective ones found elsewhere in the world. A world-leader in Medicine becoming a third-world provider… This author does not have all the answers, that’s for sure. However, he does have experience in the medical field, particularly with physicians and hospitals, in different countries. This is only one angle but the author feels it is a very crucial element that is ignored during the health care debate. After experiencing a “less than stellar” health care system that is very inexpensive allow a young man to die from something that was very treatable…and hundreds of other stories exactly like his…do you really want that in the States?

"Coming to America"

2009-08-09T01:39:00.000-07:00

As I transitioned from young adult to where I am at today, say from 25 onwards, cable TV always seemed to have “Coming To America” playing on some channel any hour of the day. My friend P.J. would visit and inevitably we would end up watching it each and every time…maybe not start to finish but it didn’t seem to matter. I liken my return to the States as something from that movie; leaving an African country for the spoils of the United States.

Unfortunately and as has been mentioned previously, things did not quite work out the way we anticipated them to. I had left home 6 weeks prior to my wife’s departure due to the necessity and importance of the new job I had over here. “Had” being the operative word as it never materialized…and kind of never really existed except in the mind of he who offered it to me unfortunately. There initially was a lot of finger pointing here which never amounts to any good, especially among friends. Regardless, the original idea was that I had an outstanding job opportunity here and it gave us the flexibility of my wife working if she chose. Now with it being three months without me earning an income and no exact understanding of when my wife could get her license to practice medicine here, we have decided that our short-term plan is to return to the States.

It is a bittersweet decision. No other way to say it I guess. We had been planning our move to Kenya for two years...even had discussed it with my Father prior to his passing away. His blessing was the final straw for us to commit to the plan. The adversity we overcame to get here…some has been well documented and some folks will never know…but suffice to say it was thick, it was stinky, and it was overcome. It was always bearable because we knew what Kenya was like and we knew that it would afford us a better lifestyle than what we had in the States. Sometimes these perceptions are just that, perceptions. Sometimes they are bona-fide and comforting to know that we were right…. I am going to toss some of the ideas out there and see how they panned out…with three weeks until our departure, I think we got a decent handle on how things are working over here.

One of the biggest motivators for us was the option of raising our daughter (and future son!) here. My wife and I have been somewhat disgusted at what society predicates is appropriate child-rearing in the States. The differences between when we were raised to my daughters generation is appalling. Today, many parents reason, debate, and argue with their child. That crap didn’t fly in my house growing up…matter of fact, it never crossed my mind that it was an option. A good swat on the butt, while still being effective is now more effective at having Social Services visit your house. Children 10-12 years old having oral sex parties when at that age (if I had ever heard the term) probably thought it was kissing a girl? A fourteen year old girl in our wealthy city of Southlake Texas was found dead of an overdose of heroin… Obama and his tree-hugging cronies mounting debt that my grandchildren will never be able to pay back (and Bush helped a bit too), folks wanting the word “God” out of anything and everything, not being an equal society but empowering minorities with entitlements, a possible decline in health care, the American Dollar falling out of favor…and these are just things that come to mind on a Sunday morning as I type this. It is hard to want to raise a child in America. It can be done and will require more due-diligence than my parent’s generation (or even those of my generation who chose to have children at an earlier age than 40!!)

Here in Kenya, many of those problems do not exist. Children are engrossed in school, private academies are affordable where exemplary educations can be had…and the kids all work really hard. Not only do they work hard at school, the society teaches them that they work hard at being part of the family. Kids do not go out at night, especially on a school night but hardly on weekends. Kids do not date until they are 18 for the most part. Kids do not drive. There is not an alcohol or drug problem (from what I can see) here either. I have not witnessed a single act of defiance from a child to a parent since arriving here…nothing but what I would call 1950’s “Leave it to Beaver” respect. There is not a predominance of single-parent homes (which is a huge issue in the States) and it is not uncommon for the entertainment of a Kenyan family to be the entire family doing something together…not the kids taking off in one direction and the parents in the other. It is hard to explain unless one has been here, but the differences are deafening in this respect.

Quality of work life is also a good measure of quality of life. In the United States, all things revolve around work. When you get up, when you eat, when you sleep, when (or if) you visit with family and friends…and almost always necessary to have two incomes to succeed. The hustle and bustle of American work ethics is non-existent here. There is a saying that is not far from true here in Kenya, “why do today what you can put off and do tomorrow?” On one hand, maybe that explains why Kenyans have not walked on the moon, created ICBM’s, or are known for their scientific endeavors but it also may explain why Xanax, Valium and other psycho-enhancing drugs and services are not required here. If someone gets crazy here because something is delayed there are either two responses (or they both happen simultaneously…. One, “crazy American/Mzungu” or two, “are you serious?”

Cool folks are aplenty here in Kenya. As mentioned previously, there are not too many people in a hurry here, they do not get too stressed out, and are always quick to offer a smile. It seems that when one meets a Kenyan, it does not matter what socio-economic group one is from…there is a polite greeting exchange, a few nice words and always a smile. Kenyans are the smileyest (sp?) folks I have ever run into. Actually, they either smile or have no expression…very rarely have I ever seen a frown or anger. Matter of fact, I would be willing to say that if a Kenyan was pissed at you, you would never know it by looking at them. Compare that to living in the States…even the dude at Burger King is upset for even having to be there at work and may just add a “secret sauce” to your food if you do not kiss their butt just right. Here, it is an honor to have a job and be of service…with a smile. Folks would never dream of desecrating food…something that is so sacred, it is unheard of. It makes it easy to treat everyone equal here as everyone seems to be happy to be around you here. It is very hard to explain unless you have experienced it and I highly recommend it.

I always used to think that the Good Samaritan in the States was unique…albeit it has died off a lot since I was younger. Now it appears that in the States (with very few exceptions) folks will help you only for “…what’s in it for me?” A call to supposedly good friends will go unanswered …probably the biggest reason folks in the U.S. utilize caller I.D. Folks cannot be bothered with others problems as they have too many of their own. Or, maybe there are folks that are happy to see you fail as they have an inner jealousy that does not want to see their friends or acquaintances be as/more successful than themselves. There are others that are just sick and like to see others fall. My wife and I have been exposed to a TON of this back in the States and it is very, very sad. Here, at the slightest sign of trouble folks come out of the woodwork to try and help. When I posted some “issues” I was having to this blog, I didn’t get a single response of “sorry” or “can I help” or “hope things get better” from anyone (other than my step-sis in Coffeyville…thank you Carissa). However, unsolicited responses from people we knew and even people we did not know from Kenya came in with offers to help any way they could and to offer sympathy and apologies for our encounters with adversity. We told our landlords of our problems and they immediately offered to delay rent due, call people they know for jobs, etc… A great guy I know who helped us import our animals heard and offered to assist, invited us over for dinner, and wanted to help us sell things we had purchased here. The outpouring of assistance and understanding was both a blessing and a surprise. Even the guy that mans the gate here in our compound who probably earns $50 a month, said he was sorry to hear our troubles and that we were leaving…and asked if there was anything he could do to help. You will NEVER find that in the States…period. (ONE NOTE: We have some amazing friends that have helped us from the States…you know who you are…do not take anything from this paragraph)

The food is better here too…considering you keep a few things in mind. One, you will NEVER get as good a hamburger or steak here. Beef is just not as good here. Two, you will pay out the nose for convenience foods here…almost twice as much as the cost in the States. However, if you want fresh, organic by design foods, this is your place. In the States, one pound of boneless chicken breasts will buy you probably two breasts? Maybe three? Here it will by six. Chicken is a staple food here and is not pumped full of antibiotics, steroids, and God knows what else to make it bigger, plumper, juicier, or whatever. Instead, it is a bit smaller but tastes way better too. My wife will not really eat chicken in the States because it tastes like chicken. Here, she really enjoys chicken because it does not taste like chicken here….maybe that is why the references of everything tasting like chicken in the States actually refers to it tasting like crap? Vegetables here are really, really good too. Instead of going to Central Market in Southlake to buy special organic avocados the size of a lemon for $2 a piece we buy organic avocados the size of a softball for 20 cents apiece. Onions, potatoes, carrots, peppers are all “organic” here and fresh off the vine. The fruits are even better. Living on the equator in the tropics makes Mangos, Bananas, Passion, Guava, Pineapple, and other fruits incredibly tasty and incredibly cheap. Four pounds of Mangos will run well under a dollar. Two full grocery bags of fruits and vegetables will cost under $15 USD and be better than anything one could buy in the States.

Restaurants are also a great thing here. We had arguably one of the best Italian meals in our lives last evening in a place that is attached to a Mall. My wives family is Indian and have eaten a lot of Indian food in the States…but consistently I have eaten way better Indian food here in Kenya (even in Mall food courts) than can be found in the best restaurants (and mothers kitchens) in the United States. Seafood dinners that are on par with the best seafood restaurants in Florida, Hawaii, Gulf Coast…for a third the cost here in Kenya…maybe even better? Everywhere there is world-class coffee that would put Starbucks out of business once and for all and beverages that are made out of sugar cane sugar instead of “high-fructose corn syrup” that will blow you away…never mind the fresh fruit juices without any added sugar that are to die for. However did I mention there are no good burgers or steaks? I don’t know if any of the previously mentioned trumps that though…

There are obviously things lacking here…huge things that impact ones day to day living. Almost all of these things revolve around the civil infrastructure here. Lump them together as Electricity, Water, Transportation, and Communication.

Electricity is a very fragile commodity here in Kenya. It is everywhere and there are tons of modern conveniences available that run off of it including our new LCD TV, Stereo system, lights, cell phone chargers, vape chips, microwaves, refrigerators, etc… The bad thing is that all of these very cool appliances and niceties will only run about half the time. Electricity is in “conservation” mode right now. I am assuming that it is predominately generated by hydroelectric means and there is a huge water shortage (will get to that later). Needless to say, we have taken very few hot showers…even warm ones, in the past month because there are no hot water tanks. Hot water is generated by an appliance that resembles a shower head and bolts on to the end of the spigot in ones shower. It plugs into the wall and instantly heats water for the shower. Without this appliance being on, the water comes out at a cool 55 degrees Fahrenheit… I know I have mentioned this before on many different mediums but it bears the test of time to repeat that this is a monstrous pain in the butt…literally sometimes. Some very long days spent in the house with no radio, TV, light, hot water, microwave, refrigerator, cell phone…or COFFEE MAKER!!! It kind of sucks…

As mentioned previously, the water supply here is a bit shaky too. To conserve electricity, arbitrarily and without notice, it is shut off at 6:00am and turned back on sometime between 5:00pm and 7:00pm…every day of the week except occasionally on Sunday. This is a monstrous pain in the ass…really as it even affects water. Houses here are a bit different than in the States…there is no modern water supply system here…it is either delivered by trucks to a holding tank that is either in ones attic or sitting on a very tall stand (your own personal water tower) and that is how one gets water pressure…by gravity on your own property. Some folks are blessed by having a bore hole (well water) on the premises…but it takes an electric pump to get it up to the tank to feed your house!!! Another thing I am not used to, drinking tap water can make you sick as hell. All the “bugs” that live in the tap water make it very unappealing to drink or even cook with. Everything that is washed (especially for the baby) has to be meticulously dried and then sterilized before it can be used. We have become accustomed to a boiling salt-water sterilizer here and it is just business as usual to utilize it for everything. We also have to be careful brushing our teeth, not to swallow any of the water, for fear of becoming ill. I remember the water in Pittsburg tasting like a box of matches had been soaked in the glass and even smelling like sulfur after taking a shower…but at least it would not turn your butt into an ass-canon shooting every direction indiscriminate of location or time.

Transportation is obviously different here. I have talked about Matatus, Buses, and Roads previously but it bears being worth mention again. Every single time one gets on the road here in Nairobi, one is taking a risk with their life. Sure, it is the same in the States, but not to the degree. Chaos, mass chaos is the transportation system here. Combine that with roads that cannot be comprehended…main-roads that are in worse shape than the old country gravel roads I drove in my younger days…way, way worse. Potholes one could toss a couch into, roads so rough that washboards in the States seem smooth in comparison. Every single gas station has an active tire store and there is always a line. Michigan roads could teach Kenyans a thing or two about smoothness… Also as mentioned previously, the folks in the trucks that intuitively believe they own the roads, day or night, and can arbitrarily endanger anyone else on the road for their own benefit. With very few exceptions I will not travel on the roads after dark…it is just not safe…period. I miss the incredibly smooth and safe roads of the States…my Chevrolet Avalanche instead of the Mitsubishi sedan I am driving…and getting in the car and driving somewhere without having to stop and think about safety or even routes by potholes…especially carrying my daughter with me.

Telephone communication here is also very different. It is nice, actually. Nobody really picks up the phone to call and see how someone else is doing. It is mainly used as a communication device to get a quick point across and then disconnect. I do not think I have had a Kenyan conversation last more than two minutes in the three months I have been here. Home phone lines are almost non-existent and cell phone usage is very expensive. We use “Safaricom” as our service provider and it is a prepay system we use. If we manage our calls very frugally, we can usually get by on KES 1000 for a week or two ($13 USD). If we have a lot of phone calls to make, it can go by in a day, especially if we call someone off network (it works out to something like 30 cents a minute). Internet is the same way…limited browsing and usage has us spending KES 2500 for a gig of bandwidth (prepay about $35 USD) on a 3G network every two to three weeks. This is something I really miss from the States…being able to communicate with family and friends easily and utilizing the internet for the great tool it is. We do not look at pictures sent to us nor videos sent or suggested because of the bandwidth expense. Back in the States, having unlimited bandwidth at 10MB speeds was just too awesome…truly spoiled…

Probably the biggest issue that I will be glad to be rid of is the pollution and air quality here in Nairobi. Where we live, in Karen, is not so bad. Travel to the city or airport and it is another thing altogether. I call it BBS…for “Black Booger Syndrome”. Literally, it will turn your snot black with God knows what in the air. Large (and small) trucks belching black smoke, no cars passing any type of emissions testing…it is way worse than L.A. was back in the early 90’s and DFW today. Matter of fact, I remember growing up in and around automotive repair and having vehicles run in enclosed garages…and not being this bad. I do not know if this is the sole source, but allergies and general pneumonic-health are inflamed here too. I had not considered this prior to bringing my infant daughter here, so there are going to be some good things to come from this and a lot better than digging BBS’s out of her nose every evening…

From our previous travels to Kenya, things are exactly how we remembered them to be, even the things that we had forgotten. It is a true paradise; beautiful beyond imagination; gardens that would never exist in the States, everyone smiling, walking, living, and laughing. People here are happy…including us. Everyone takes the shortcomings in stride as they seem to be outweighed by all the positives that exist here. People are happy with what they have and are not necessarily driven to one-up their neighbors. Not obsessed with material possession rather their deeds and actions. It is not Utopia, but it is a good place with good people affording all a good time that are willing to embrace it…it truly is Hakuna Matata. Just like in “Coming to America”…they find things they truly miss about Africa but really like living the American way of life.

Return to the Dark Continent

2009-08-06T04:33:00.000-07:00

Well, we are back from the UAE and have mixed emotions for sure. Dubai and Sharjah both lived up to their reputations and disappointed a bit too. Some things we could never have anticipated, some things we had thought about and were confirmed. It also made us look at Kenya a bit differently, some things we appreciate more and some things we truly miss more. Bottom line, we are getting a wide-open look at a few different cultures, rounding our world views, dismissing some myths, and hopefully making us more tolerant.

Upon arrival to Sharjah airport, we blazed through immigration and got our bags without any problems. It was truly a nice change compared to the crap involving US and British airports. They could definitely take lessons on this. Having an American passport is an incredible help too, not requiring a Visa to enter the country…this helps all over the world. Enough employees manning the desks, tons of customer service folks available and most importantly…and this cannot be stressed enough…FREE LUGGAGE TROLLEYS!!!!! This is also available in Kenya and I cannot believe the idiots in America cannot figure this out. The time, aggravation, and efficiency of moving people from baggage, gates, etc…out the door is incredible. Instead of someone not being able to afford a cart and balancing four bags, running into folks, saying they are sorry every 10 seconds…there are free baggage trolleys provided by the airport. Enough said but not enough done…I implore US airports to adopt this incredibly easy benefit.

After getting through the airport, it was time to find our cousin who was picking us up at the airport. Holy Crap!! Mind you, I had left DFW in May before it got really hot, lived in Nairobi where the high has been 78 and lows usually in the mid 50’s… The blast-furnace that is the Arabian Desert, even at night, was initially unbearable. Daytime temperatures around 45 Celsius (113 Fahrenheit) and nighttime temps 38 C (95 F) are for desert dwellers, not normal folks…wait a minute, that’s right…I am in a desert. Maybe all the dudes wearing sheets should have tipped this off? Or maybe the fact that other than “official” parks and golf courses, there is nary a blade of grass to be seen? The heat of the day was never really bearable and nighttime was just tolerable if outside. A few of the restaurants that we ate at had outdoor seating and understandable did not open until late in the evening. For the non-acclimated, this was going to be interesting as it had been a year since I had experienced triple-digit temps.

Another thing that immediately stands out, there are freaking tons of skyscrapers! I mean really cool, tall buildings. I had no idea…it is almost like Manhattan. In the middle of the desert some Sheiks decided to build this huge empire of very tall buildings…and they are everywhere. There is nothing that reminds me of DFW rather it is what I expect from NYC or Boston or a miniature downtown Chi-town. Also, there are tons of American fast-food restaurants…all with their names spelled in Arabic but their logos are plainly visible from blocks away. We ended up eating at a Pizza Hut (our guide’s choice, not mine) upon arrival and it was great. Had not had wings in over three months and it was about time! I remember making fun of my buddy PJ in Paris when he insisted on eating at a Planet Hollywood for wings after living in Denmark for months…crap, we could be eating snails or something dude! I totally take all that back now…I understand.

The service provided, everywhere, is top notch. Everyone we encountered in service positions spoke perfect English along with at least one other Native tongue. Most of them seemed to be either Philippine or Malaysian…don’t know for sure and do not know how to tell the difference…only what I was told. One thing we did notice, you do not see many Arabs working…anywhere. I think they just sit at home and count their money?

Another thing that caught my wife and I off guard were all the prostitutes! I am not talking about a stray seen walking along a dark side street; I am talking about lines of them along specific streets and hundreds of them walking in and out of bars. This was really funky considering it is a Muslim country; one would think this kind of crap would be forbidden! I guess it is “tolerated” from what we are told. I guess the Sheik that owns Dubai is all about absolutely no reason to have folks leave the city with their money. I guess he has covered all his bases. Our cousin told us that there are bars that “specialize” in specific origins of ladies….i.e. Indians, Russians, Malaysians, Eastern Europe…even Americans. I think Dubai is basically NYC, in the desert, with 60% Indian population, the rest a mix of Arabs and White Folks…and hardly any Black Folks. The streets are dusty but in great shape, hot as Hades and a ton of stuff to do so long as it is indoors and more restaurants and hotels than I am used to seeing surrounded by really, really tall buildings.

We are now trying to figure out if the job idea in Dubai is going to work. The amount of money we could make in a short period of time might make it worth living in the desert for a year or so. If not for the big bucks, there is no way in God’s green (dusty sand) Earth I would live there. We went to the Ministry of Health and it appears that my wife can take an exam in November and then get a job about anywhere she would want to. My options are pretty good considering the amount of Engineering and Sales that are going on here. So, we are excited that we have one possibility.

Upon reflection and returning back to Nairobi…we are extremely torn. My wife and I both love Nairobi, its people and everything else about it sans the corruption and carjackings. The streets are more beautiful than one can comprehend; people are nicer than anywhere in the States, and just about every amenity one could want (except consistent electricity) is here. We had committed so much to coming to Nairobi both in time (two years in the making), effort (moving all the crap from one side of the earth to the other is a chore), and energy (having to explain over and over to family and friends why we left a million dollar house in the affluent suburb of Southlake, TX for a third-world country…sucked the life force out of us). We banked a lot on this trip and it is unfortunate that Kenya is not going to be in our immediate future as we really love it here. We were looking forward to making new friends, raising our family, and creating a new life. Instead we are packing our crap up and moving back to the States for an undetermined period of time. We shall catch a break eventually…

Peace,

Dude
FBO

Flying to Sharjah

2009-07-28T14:16:00.000-07:00

Well, it seems that we are in the air for about 2 hours now and should be 3 hours out from Sharjah (United Arab Emirates). There are certain things that are becoming evident, such as traveling with a child under the age of one internationally is a test of ones patience for sure. Also, traveling on an Arab-based Airlines is…uh…different on many different levels. Additionally, some things are inherently different no matter where one is outside the United States…especially when traveling on an Airplane. Let’s see how things pan out with but a few hours before arrival in the UAE.

First, yes it is a challenge to travel with an infant, especially on flights over 5 hours. There is just no way around it. Folks in charge of the travel authorities in various countries do nothing to make this easier either. I will say that KAA (Kenyan Air Authority or something similar) was much easier than TSA or the British equivalent. The Kenyans are very understanding when it comes to traveling with Children. It was very obvious, to them, that infants require special foods, liquids, and even travel equipment. Compare that to the US or Brits who think that anyone with an infant should pay dearly for the nerve to travel…almost like they get some sick type of humorous fulfillment to see just how difficult they can make it. The hoops my wife had to jump through when traveling from the U.S. through London onward to Nairobi was horrible. There is no way that one could have much of a positive experience traveling that way. Now, on our way to Sharja, things are much easier albeit our daughter is being a tad challenging on her own accord.

We were fortunate enough to get a bassinet seat on this flight. This gives us our own row at the front with a wall-mounted flat bassinet that she initially thought was a playground, not a place to sleep. We tried feeding, bottles, playing, plugs…everything trying to get her to sleep. Finally, we bought a blanket, got her sleepy, wrapped her up and things are good to go. For some reason, we thought going somewhere that averages 105 degrees…we may not need a heavy blanket. Forgot about cold airplanes, I guess. This airline is a spin off of something like Southwest but cheaper. It cost the three of us about $500 USD to fly round trip. Most other airlines were going to cost closer to $1200-$1500 USD. To get around this, EVERYTHING costs you. Not supposed to bring food on board nor drink, and everything is available…at a cost. This includes earphones and blankets…either of which if you want one you have to buy the other. I will say that it is not that expensive though…$8 USD for a blanket, headphones, eye-shade, and a nifty Ziploc bag to store it in. Regardless, I would have paid $50 USD for the blanket considering it helped my daughter sleep for awhile empowering us to relax for a bit.

There are also differences in an Arabic-run airline. Not the cheap part…that would be a stereotype that would not be supported on this forum…albeit it is kind of funny to consider. The first part is the distinct Muslim flair. The first message delivered is always in Arabic and also includes the Muslim salutation of “As Salaam Alaikum” meaning (roughly in English) God’s blessing to you. I would say roughly 80% of the folks onboard are familiar with this salutation (including this author) and it seemed normal. I also saw the other 20% maybe seeming miffed by it. Funny how some folks would be upset if their beliefs (faith) were not tolerated yet immediately throw stones in a glass house. In addition, the first book of the Quran was read prior to take off. Basically, it says that there is one and only one God, none other before H` im and He is responsible for everything and everybody. I actually liked the fact that there was a quick prayer that all things work out prior to departure. After our past experiences every little bit of help is appreciated.

The other difference in an Arab-based airline…right before take-off, the head stewardess popped the top off of two air sanitizers and walked the entire length of the cabin…and it was GREATLY APPRECIATED! Arabs, like a lot of Kenyans, not only do not think Soap is something one should use every day but Deodorant is either a luxury or optional…kind of like turn signals on cars. There is something to be said about someone walking past and wafting dirty ass and various other body odors so strong that it masks everything else for 10-30 seconds of your world. I have smelt dead things (long dead) that do not have the strength of this type of smell. Chemistry experiments left in the refrigerator for months that cannot compare…and these folks do not even seem to notice it!!! Maybe they think everyone is crying for joy that they grace us with their presence…not that the odors are like 30 raw onions being chopped mere inches from our eyeballs. I will give the fact that there are a lot of folks out there that cannot necessarily afford to take showers every day and further cannot afford deodorant. I get that. I do not get the folks that are flying places, wearing designer clothes , sunglasses, and shoes…expensive luggage and can afford expensive coffee drinks in the airport cannot afford to wash their dirty ass with a cheap bar of soap at least once a day…and utilize some sort of deodorant. Sure, some cultures do not mind one smelling like flattened-fauna left simmering in the July Sun…but not in an enclosed environment like an airplane! THERE SHOULD BE LAWS!!!

I also know that if this flight were to leave from any major airport in the United States…probably half the white folk would have bailed on this flight due to the stereotype of the folks flying on this one. Other than me and one other dude, EVERYONE looks the part. Some more so than others, but the mold is fit. TSA mirror-foggers would lose their freaking mind watching some of these people try to go through security. For example, a few of the guys that boarded the flight looked like they should be on the FBI’s 10 Most Wanted International list. Some of them are probably buttholes and some of them are probably really cool…kind of like any folks from any culture or religion. While some feel that anyone that is Muslim is automatically a bad person and others feel that anyone that is Muslim is better than anyone that is not…get a grip, people are people. I am very interested in seeing what it is like to be in a Muslim country that “somewhat” practices a version of Sharia law. If we are fortunate enough to gain employment while we are there and go back, I am excited to see what it is like living in a Muslim country to see how it affects society as a whole…as well as what they think of Americans.

There is going to be a lot of changes continuing from USA, to Kenya, to United Arab Emirates. Although cosmopolitan, Sharja is a bit different than Dubai…a lot more traditional with fewer “Western” distractions like Prostitution and Drug Abuse. The growth has been much more controlled in Sharja and therefore they had kept a better handle on it. Regardless, I am excited to check it out, excited to get on the ground with an infant, and probably going to be excited to get into air-conditioning once we reach.

Peace,

Dude

A Sad and Interesting Day Indeed

2009-07-25T23:37:00.000-07:00

Today was a day of firsts, and not all of them were necessarily happy firsts. It was a very long day and we covered most of the city of Nairobi. Drove through some very, very poor sections of town I had never seen before and had two flat tires (at once) due to an idiot driving an SUV at night…and a lot in between.

This was a sad week. My friend’s brother passed away from a pulmonary embolism. It was unexpected as he was quite young at 36 (I think) but he had been very ill. He was the one that had been diagnosed with TB some time ago but we are still not completely sure what it is that he had. The sad thing is, pulmonary embolisms like he had are very preventable. Folks that spend too much time in bed develop pools of blood in their legs that if left untreated can form clots that travel to the lungs effectively suffocating a person. Simple shots of Heparin can go a long ways towards preventing this. So can various physiotherapy-type workouts. It is too bad, indeed. On the other side of the coin, there was much suffering from a disease that was as of yet undiagnosed, and had absolutely ravaged his body. He was mentally challenged to begin with and probably did not understand what it was that was making him so sick. This does not help as I am very sad, not only for him but for his Mother, Brother, and extended family that is left behind. I take comfort knowing that he has journeyed to a better place than any one of us here knows.

He and his entire family are Sikh. Actually, I would say that 90% of the people I have met and interact with here are Sikh. Going hand in hand, they are also mostly Punjab, an ethnic group from India. Sikhs are probably mostly recognized in public by the turbans they wear, but very few of the ones I interact with wear them. Their religion is very interesting as it is founded around three principals of worship God, work diligently, and share one’s fruits. Their daily prayers even include prayers for all mankind, not just for within their faith…which I find cool compared to other religions that strongly believe all other religions will populate hell. Non-Sikhs can partake in prayer meetings, social functions…the Sikh’s even have a tenant where they feed anyone for free anytime (called Langar) which, in my interpretation, serves as a way to honor all socio-economic backgrounds (which is very important to Sikh’s) and to serve all mankind. This has been very apparent, even practiced by most all Sikh’s I have interacted with here. To worship, yet live one’s life, the exact same way is very admirable.

Back to the previous story, I attended a Sikh funeral for the first time. There are a lot of differences between “American” funerals as they are called here and “Sikh” funerals. First, it is not an opportunity for everyone in the community to profit from someone’s loss. Rather, the entire Sikh community bands together and helps there brothers and sisters in time of need. There is a Sikh Hospital that provides the necessary medical support , a hearse, services, temple, prayers…all for free or for a very modest fee to cover expenses. Very unlike American funerals where I remember vividly the funeral home trying to make us feel morally bankrupt for not providing bells and whistles for my Father’s funeral. Instead, the Sikh community banded together at a time of need and took care of their own, a basic tenant my Father instilled in me at a young age.

Also different, they do not use burial as a means of a resting place. Instead, they cremate as they believe the body is but a physical tool but their soul lives on. During the prayers, they pray for a swift passage of the soul onward to its final destination. I participated somewhat in the process as what Americans would call a Pall Bearer. Instead of a casket, the body is transported in an open metal box and the body is covered in sheets, something similar to a prayer rug, and surrounded by flowers. The men of the family drive and ride in the hearse (provided by the Sikh community) to the crematorium and carry the body in. When the body is carried into the crematorium, there is a certain note of finality that is missing from American funerals. Hard to explain but it is very real when one is standing there. There are no comforting speeches about the greatness of the departed, no humorous stories, documented great accomplishments…simply prayers and well-wishes for a speedy departure of one’s soul to heaven.

Going back to prior to the funeral, and all this past week, our power has been cut off sometime between 09:00 and 10:00 every day for what I am assuming is some type of power line work. We had initially thought (stupid us) that they would not cut off the power on a weekend…but alas that is what I get for assuming, you know. Trying to get ready for this funeral without electricity was tough, especially considering our hot water comes from electricity (as does hair dryers and other functional tools required by my wife). When it is 60 degrees outside (and inside) and one takes a cold shower, at least I can say that we were awake. Actually, one can get used to cold showers after awhile…just a transition to living in a third-world country. Getting around a bit late due to previously mentioned, we met the rest of our party at their home for the long drive to the Temple. Traffic here is CRAZY after the rains we had the day before. The roads are still as narrow but the full-of-water potholes on the side of the road take away the “sidewalk passing lanes” that the Matatus and other, more adventurous drivers use to quicken their arrivals. It also slows down traffic as folks do not know actually how deep some of those water-filled holes are! Thirdly, it seems that folks are very hesitant to get their vehicles wet and will brake wildly or swing out into traffic even more wildly to avoid it. So, a 30 minute trip took a little over an hour.

The Temple is located in the far North-East part of Nairobi. It borders on a poorer part of town then where I live but the crematorium is located in a very, very poor part of town. Roads in worse condition, traffic heavier, buildings older, the area filled with garbage and very much dirtier than even what we see on the West side of town. It was bad enough that we were advised not to drive and follow behind, so instead we packed into vans with professional drivers. The smell of burning garbage everywhere one goes, people sitting in “yards”, to use the term loosely, which were mostly bare ground, rocks, and trash…absolute poverty one usually only sees on television. It really opens one’s eyes to how good they have it, for sure. Folks there just staring at the procession of Mzungu and Punjabis through their neighborhood in either disbelief or curiosity of what might bring them to their side of town…

On the way back to Karen, we had one of our friends drive us back as I had NO idea where I was and how to get back. On the long drive back it was nice to check out the progression of neighborhoods from Slum, to Urban, to Suburban. I like where we live albeit it has its own sets of hazards to deal with.

In Karen, where we live, there is an obsession with folks driving large Four-Wheel Drives, most anything that resembles a Safari vehicle is best. Landcruisers, LandRovers, Trucks with Roll bars…just so long as it sits very high and has at least four, zillion-candlepower driving lights mounted either to the front bumper or the roll bars. These self-entitled people feel that the roads are their own prized possessions and can drive any which way that they want, especially at night. The roads here, as mentioned previously, are very narrow. Combine that with all the obstacles and zero street lights, it is very hard to see what one is doing. It is even harder when some butthole is heading right towards you driving down the center of the road with their bright driving lights on. A courtesy flash of ones high-beams prompts a retort of very, very high-power driving lights being burst into ones retinas causing a fearful momentary blindness. Last night was a wonderful demonstration of this. We had to travel a ways to get some medicines as we were unable to do our shopping during daylight hours because of the funeral. On our way back home, in the pitch-black night, some Karen Cowboy Butthole decides to test his/her power-wielding road advantage by sizzling mine and my wife’s retinas with a burst of light that probably are photon torpedoes from the deck of the Starship Enterprise. All the while my 10 month old daughter is sitting in the backseat. In the darkness and insecurity of the back roads of Karen, we were yet again forced off the road so that society’s elite may drive down the middle of the road. However, this time we had the wonderful privilege of hammering both passenger-side tires on a hidden pothole causing one flat tire and another one with wheel damaged but drivable. I changed the tire in pure darkness on the rear, always observant of any noise or oncoming vehicle for fear of a carjacking or possibly a simple mugging. While I was changing it the wife was on the phone with our friends and they were on the way to help. By the time they appeared, I had already changed the rear tire and was driving VERY slowly as the front-left tire was “thumping” (both felt and heard). They were nice enough to follow us home at 20 KPH to make sure we limped in ok. Now, we have an un-drivable vehicle in front of the place and are awaiting our friends to bring us one repaired tire so that we can get our errands done today.

My plan moving forward is to collect a number of 4-5 pound (2 Kilo) rocks to keep in a small box next to the driver’s seat. Now, instead of a courtesy flash of the high beams to help me see the road while my 10 month old daughter sleeps in the back seat…I will softly lob a rock in the air and let it smash through the windshield of the oncoming butthole letting them know they should dim their lights…

Peace,

Dude
FBO

Times, They Are a Changin...

2009-07-22T22:24:00.000-07:00

Well, a lot has happened in the past two weeks. I do not even know where to start. Things have been really crazy, that is for sure. I guess I should start at the beginning…sort of.

My wife, daughter, and our friend Diana were supposed to arrive here on July 8th at around 10:00pm. Unfortunately their flight was delayed in DFW and they ended up missing there connecting flight to Nairobi. That really sucks, but we can work around it. British Airways was a real pain in the butt to deal with, which is surprising. We actually pay a bit more for BA as their service is usually so good. Anyhoo, after 8 hours of trying to catch another flight, BA FINALLY agrees to provide a hotel room. Nothing like 8 hours of overnight flight with a 10 month old and be stuck in an airport for another day. So prior to arriving at the hotel, they are given two options. One, they can fly to Dar ES Salam (Tanzania) and catch their own ride up to Nairobi (probably would have cost us about $1500 extra) which is a far cry from their non-stop first-class seats from Heathrow to Nairobi. The second option is to try and catch a standby flight the next day. Get a hotel room and it is a no-brainer…right? Wrong.

BA, in their infinite wisdom, does not release the tickets to them until 20 minutes prior to departure…and they have yet to go through security. My wife was begging them to let them go earlier to no avail, even though the tickets are in view and ready to roll. As their luck had it, security was backed up and they missed a second flight. At this point, I am fuming mad at BA, my wife is in tears, my daughter is screaming and crying, and we have probably spent a house payment on international calls trying to get this thing figured out. BA brings up their option of flying to Dar again, and I feel like they can shove it up their butt! So, after about another 8 hours of hanging out at their customer service desk, they get the idea that they can fly to Johannesburg then catch a flight to Nairobi… It is an 8 hour flight from London to Nairobi. It is a 15 hour flight from London to Johannesburg and another 6 hours back up to Nairobi. This was their final option and we had to take it. So, instead of arriving on Wednesday evening, they arrived in Friday evening, looking REALLY tired. It was all worthwhile when my daughter waved and screamed “Da Da” when she saw me.

The part that really sucks….two things actually sucked. One, my wife fell prey to a scam in South Africa. Seems that the flight crew and the ground crew are in on it and a lot of the other airlines and airports are familiar with it. They make you take your carryon and check it in once you get on the plane. They will claim it is too heavy or something similar, but it is all crap. What they do is document what is in it upon scanning it, the stewardess claims it is too heavy, they take it under the plane and then rip off everything they can that is inside it. It is really sad, but my wife lost a LOT of stuff out of her carryon. That is very much like being diagnosed with cancer and having the doctor kick you in the crotch after dropping the news. Of course, all of this is discovered within 30 minutes of arriving to their new home…

The second thing that sucked was that only one bag came through. It took four trips to the Nairobi airport and exactly one week to get all of our belongings to Nairobi. I do not know what else could have gone wrong with this flight…other than they disposed of all my daughters’ baby food at security and there was nothing to be bought at the airport.

Ok, so we have the traveling behind us. Time to get our ducks in a row, right? Wrong. Dead wrong.

Upon arriving here, I was supposed to start working immediately. That was the entire reason for me leaving early (six weeks) and having my wife come meet me here. Well, one thing led to another and I never did get employment started. The day after my wife arrived here in Nairobi, the entire project I was working on was canceled…last minute. In addition, the guy running the project turned out to be a huge flake and left us without any other options. Ok, so here we are in a third-world country, do not know anyone (other than the flake), do not have a job, just moved my entire family here plus animals (about $30K all said and done), and no prospects of a job either. Just got a car, bought a ton of crap to furnish our apartment and now have very limited cash flow…crap.

We got on the horn and now have plane tickets to the UAE (Sharja, just North of Dubai). My wife and I are both looking to interview while being there and if it works out, will move to our third country in three months. Things are still up in the air right now but we are trying to maintain our optimism. I still like Nairobi a lot and enjoy living here. Earning an income, unfortunately, is a high priority no matter where we live and that well seems to have dried up with the flake. Re-learned a very valuable lesson: NEVER EVER DEPEND ON ANYONE ELSE OTHER THAN YOURSELF! YOU WILL ALWAYS GET SCREWED!!!

Six Weeks

2009-07-08T00:39:00.000-07:00

Today is the big day! It has been six weeks since I have seen my wife and daughter. I was not happy about coming over here without them, but because of the situation at the time it was important that I do so. At the time, we were told there was a cutoff date when we could ship the animals which we later found out was false, BA’s way of securing our business which they did not. Also, it was imperative that I arrive before June 1st because of a project that was eminent, but alas that has not come to pass either. No, I came over early for no reason whatsoever and missed an incredible amount of accomplishments by doing so.

It was incredibly hard on my wife, being alone and having such a full plate. We had already moved once in the month prior to my departure. This move was from a 5600 sq/ft house into a 1300 sq/ft house which, logistically speaking was a nightmare. We have two large storage facilities holding all our extra stuff and cram-packed the newer rental house with the rest of it. When I left, I had successfully packed my suitcases and left a very large mess for my wife to deal with. We had a garage sale that my Mother and Cousin successfully pulled off after my leaving but this required that my wife prepare a lot of stuff for it. I think we probably got about half of what we should have had in the garage sale but that was a great accomplishment all things considered.

My wife is a real trooper. Not only did she coordinate the move out of the rental house to a temporary stay with her family, she was also working and managing a family crisis all at the same time. Also, I do not want to mention that she was also the sole provider for our 9 month old daughter concurrently with all this mess. We had a ton of help from her very good friend, Diana and her family. There is no doubt we would not have pulled it off if not for their outstanding support. Having to pack the house on her own, separate stuff that goes to storage, stuff that goes to Kenya and stuff that needs to go away was a real challenge on her own. If anyone knows my wife, they know that she is mentally adept at being VERY organized. Something I do not possess no matter how hard I try. Through all of the adversity, she managed to keep a manifest list, numbering all the boxes and documenting the contents of each box. Add to this, shutting down all the utilities, arranging for flights, completing her work, dealing with her family crisis, feeding the baby, changing the baby, nursing the baby, supporting her family, writing letters, visiting her brother, and planning an international move…I do not know how she did it, but she did.

She is arriving at around 9:00pm EAT (East Africa Time) and no doubt is going to be bone tired. She has averaged 3-4 hours of sleep a night for the past week. I am so anxious for her to arrive and her be able to relax and do nothing for the next few days. I have already offered 100% baby duty and look forward to pampering her for awhile. There is no doubt we are one, through good and bad, and she is definitely my better half. I am excited to have her here.
I also really miss my daughter! Because of the border-line fraud involved with me leaving six weeks early, I have missed out on so much of my daughter’s accomplishments. She was just starting to crawl good before I left; now she is pulling herself upright and standing (somewhat) on her own. She was just starting to speak a bit and I was able to hear “Dada” before leaving. Now, anytime my wife’s phone rings, she starts saying “Dada!” She also is babbling in complete sentences now, has more hair, more mobile, and generally turning into a true little person. I have missed all of it and have a huge fear that she will not remember me. That is something that I have tried to become comfortable with in my mind but am sure it will break my heart if she does not show excitement when she sees me.

For the most part, I have been solitary and isolated since arriving here. I know but a handful of people and those folks have been out of town for the majority of my stay. I have experienced loneliness that I have never been exposed to before. As I sit here counting the seconds until my family arrives, the moment I see them it will all be gone and back to normal.

Peace,
Dude.
FBO

Independence Day in a Foreign Land

2009-07-04T03:12:00.000-07:00

Today is July 4, 2009 and the United States of America celebrates yet another birthday. She is a little worse for wear considering she is 233 years old. The United States I was born into is quite different than the one I left this year. It is also interesting getting foreigner’s views on the United States and because of the day, I thought I would write a little about all of the above.

Does anyone remember “Leave it to Beaver”? That is what I picture as the prototypical 1950’s American Family. There is a stay-at-home Mom, a Father that never misses breakfast or dinner, and two children that get caught up in mischief from time to time, all of which contributes to a happy and functional family. I liken that to Kenya now. The family unit is very strong here. There does not appear to be a huge problem with divorce or single-parent households. The children all seem to be very respectful of their elders and are home when the street-lights turn on. Instead of fast-food drive-thru’s, folks eat home-cooked meals. Instead of being glued to the television, folks sit and talk, do homework, and read books. And family is not just Mom/Dad, Brother/Sister but cousins, aunts, uncles, next-door neighbors, and the like. Everyone seems to work in a community to support each other. Of course, I could very well be shielded from the “dark” side, but in my interactions, all of the above appears to be true. I think the only thing I see that is similar in the States in youth is the cell phone. Passionately carried everywhere and constantly texting God knows who.

The things that make the United States great, in my opinion, are its people, ingenuity, and the 10 basic civil liberties guaranteed to everyone. Kenya has this too albeit without the Civil Liberties. They have something similar, but not quite close. An example, we were driving back from Watamu and got waved over by police twice…because they felt like it. I was stunned. The police were pulling people over looking for bribes, plain and simple. I told the driver that this would never happen in the States. The first time it happened, it would be splashed all over the news and heads would roll. He shrugged it off as normal and was not too concerned about it. Just about any time one is stopped, if one has enough cash on them, they can drive away. Every cop takes bribes here, period. It was explained to me that they have such an important job and get paid so very little that it is accepted. I sit here wondering what would happen if I got pulled over for speeding in the States and casually told the cop “…I do not want a ticket today, why don’t you just take this $20 and go on.”

The corruption goes on and up the ladder all the way to the top. Foreigners are amazed at this. Kenyans accept that corruption is a part of life. Sure, they would like to be rid of it but assume it is not practical. They compare the system to the one in the United States that is not corrupt. I laugh at this and acknowledge that they might be misled a bit. Sure, it is not out in the open in the States, but if one does not believe it exists, I have some great property in Kiberia to sell for KES 50 Million an acre. Kenyans are not aware of the corruption that exists in Western governments. They do not get the news regarding the powerful lobbyists, back-door deals for votes, massive government spending on pet projects, and HUGE travel budgets for our elected officials. Matter of fact, what Nancy Pelosi spent on her last “world trip” would fund the Kenyan Government for probably six months. The big difference here versus the States is that they try to hide it in the States, here it is a bartering system.
Freedom of the press is a big deal in both places. Although it is a joke in the States, here it is very hardcore. Folks who write the wrong stories…well they are absolutely allowed to but very well may end up dead in a ditch. In the States, the news media panders to the left for the most part and wields huge power in legislation, elections, and foreign policy. In Kenya, they are read, cause outrage, and the government continues on as usual. I guess it is the peoples knowing that true change can never occur here, and in the States a bunch of dumb-ass tree huggers believed it whole heartedly. Seems the Kenyan folks may be a bit smarter than the Americans in this respect. The press here is hard-hitting and has the people’s welfare in mind not seeming to run on a personal agenda. That is very refreshing to see that it still exists in the world.

I have written here in the past about the view of American Mzungu; have tons of money, owns everything in the world, and is a way to get ahead in life. Kenya counts on Mzungu dollars to float its economy. All the dollars that are spent every year on tourism, paying huge amounts of money to drive through the outskirts of town or fly across the country to see wild animals and also to see the coastal resorts along Kenya’s beaches, counts for a huge percentage of Kenya’s GDP. Kenyan’s are never exposed to anything other than the wealthy, top 5% of the American population (or British/Italian/German/French/Etc…) Kenyans stare in disbelief when I talk about the “other side of the tracks” in the States. Ghettos, gangs, drugs, prostitution, crime, rape…none of it are really reported here. They do not hear about the evening news in DFW that starts off every night with countless murders, arson, and various other atrocities. I am also pretty sure that Kenyans never hear of the huge middle-class of America that works hard every day, struggles to make ends meet, constantly oppressed by huge taxes paying for entitlements they will never see. Again, all they see are the rich folks that walk off the plane in their brand new “Columbia” or equivalent Safari Gear acting like the public should be beholden to them because of their status. I’m with the Kenyans, rich buttholes suck. However, I will take their money. Come to think of it, that was my business in DFW prior to coming here…I guess I am not that different after all.

I sit here on July 4th and do miss the States a bit. I miss the great medical facilities, awesome civil infrastructure (clean water, roads, telephony, electrical service, natural gas, transport systems), and a lot of the niceties I grew up accustomed to. I obviously miss my family a lot and friends too. However, in retrospect there are a lot of things, as mentioned above, that I do not miss at all. Just like Vincent said to Jules in “Pulp Fiction”…it’s the little differences.

Peace,

Dude
FBO

The Job Front

2009-07-02T02:01:00.000-07:00

Back in Nairobi now and things are starting to look up. It was nice being at the coast for a few days but nice to be back home too!

One of the compelling reasons to move to Kenya was the job opportunities it presented for both me and my wife. My wife is an Internal Medicine physician. She specializes in really sick people…you do not want her to be your doctor because it means you are almost on your death bed. She primarily works in a hospital setting managing critically ill folks. Because there is a severe need for people with her education, training, and skills…it should be relatively easy for her to procure employment. Most Kenyans who become proficient in this type of field or another specialty will head off to the States or Europe where they can make a lot more money. For us, it is not about the money so much as an opportunity to feel good about the work we are doing. This is very empowering once one gets past the size of the paycheck.

My situation is a bit different. I have a BST in Automotive Technology. I have spent the better part of my life working within the General Motors Company as an Engineer, mostly specializing in telematics but also some service experience. After leaving Detroit for Dallas/Fort Worth, I started my own business selling and installing home theaters and audio systems. It was a really cool job, playing with toys most of the time and a challenge to run one’s own business. It is not nearly as easy as one might think. No person can understand until one has been there…something that makes me admire my Father all the more.

Anyhoo, because of my changing career paths and background, it was really difficult for me to find my niche in Dallas/Fort Worth. Because Detroit was/is taking a hardcore downward spiral, there were not a lot of options for me. I actually worked at Home Depot prior to my departure in the Electrical Department on a part-time basis. Was very easy work but taught me that I do not want to work in that capacity where idiots are in control of my destiny. Folks there thought they were saving the human race from cancer or something…really put themselves on a pedestal and all I could think was, “…jeeze, are you guys serious? This is an hourly job?!?!”

So, I had a couple of opportunities here in Kenya that I was excited about. One, is starting another Audio/Video company, which is in-progress. I have a first job doing work for a huge club in Nairobi that is two-levels and tons of tv’s, speakers, projectors, control systems, and the like. Once started there, I will have attained instant street-cred (something that is really hard to do no matter where you are) enabling me to market my services.

Another opportunity that looks like it is moving forward quickly is working on a construction project. A good friend of mine owns 5 acres of prime real estate in Karen. He has gotten the financing two days ago and is ready to turn it into a compound of homes. My capacity is planning and executing the infrastructure, build the homes, and manage the project. I am really excited about this one as I have experience from my business of working on home building projects and enjoy this type of work. May be a challenge working with Kenyans (differing work types than Americans) but one I am looking forward to.

The third opportunity is to work with another friend of mine who is the CEO of a ticket re-selling company. They are looking for assistance, on-continent, for the 2010 World Cup. Those of you not in the know, the World Cup is like 10 Super Bowls in one event. The entire world, sans USA, is obsessed with soccer and this is the granddaddy of them all. In addition, there is some interest in opening up a call-center of sorts in Nairobi due to the low wages and excellent infrastructure.

The surrounding problem is that I do not have a work permit for Kenya. That is a huge issue right now. Work permits are very expensive. One of the answers is to get an investor status Resident Permit, which is the way we are working right now. The downside is, I have to get a project up and running before my visitor’s visa runs out. That leaves me a little less than a month to get all this done. If it is not done, I have the option (hopefully) of extending my visitor’s visa another 60 days.

I have been here over a month now and am really excited to get to work. I am glad the construction project finally came to fruition but still have a few hurdles to overcome. I am also open to working, simultaneously; on the other two projects should the opportunity arise. I just want to work…period.

The next hurdle is to get my wife employment once she reaches. I have established some excellent contacts that will help her in this endeavor. That is the way Kenya works; who you know and who you pay. Actually, a pretty decent system…

Time will tell but the true measures of results are profits.
Peace,

Dude
FBO

Final Thoughts on Watamu

2009-06-29T09:56:00.000-07:00

I have enjoyed my stay here in Watamu, even if it has not been a vacation, never went to the beach, and have pretty much been by myself the entire time. There was a point in my life where I would have dreaded this time spent here…as little as a month ago. I think I am slowly adapting to Kenyan lifestyle, not getting so worked up when things are not “perfect”. Spending five days here without TV, Phone, Music, etc…and being by myself the entire time has actually been rewarding in some respects. Now, I do have my laptop and internet, so I have not been completely shut out of the world. Wish I had better speeds than dial-up and spotty coverage though.

Watamu is an interesting place. Other than the previously mentioned items, there are some cool differences that are not obvious at first. Sure, there is a slower pace of life and an even more “lackadaisical” approach to life. Nobody is in a hurry to do anything here. To a fault. It seems that people spend more time socializing and meandering up and down the road than actually accomplishing anything. It is completely different than the hustle and bustle of the Nairobi area.

The people here are different too. They are smaller in stature. It is not just me noticing it either. The driver who drove me down here is originally from the Western Province of Kenya. These folks are typically either farmers or fishermen, living within a close proximity to Lake Victoria. He had never been to the coast before and has lived in Kenya his entire life. He and I both noticed that the folks here are a lot smaller than the status-quo in Nairobi. The average height for a male I am guessing to be about 5’2” and very thin. This is in direct contrast, to say, a Masai that would average 6’+.

Kenya is very tribal. A local Kenyan can just about tell what tribe someone is from by looking at them. For sure they can tell by their given name. In Nairobi, there is a melting-pot of tribes all mixed together. Here in the coast, it is not so mixed other than the odd Mzungu walking the town. I have no idea what kind of tribe someone is from unless they tell me…and then it does not mean all that much to me. I have read about them but the best I can say is that Kikuyu is the biggest next to the Luo…the president of Kenya is Kikuyu and the prime minister (who caused all the issues in Kenya after their last election) is Luo. I have mentioned Harambee before (Kenyans First). It was initially brought to term by Jomo Kenyatta, the first president of an independent Kenya and generally regarded as a great leader. He wanted to break down the barriers of tribe and unite everyone together for a solid Kenya. Unfortunately, he was not completely successful. Much like if in the States everyone was either Texan or Kansan, or Michigander and not American. Only here, they get all riled up and take machetes to each other. Not all the time, but it is known to occur.

Everything is much more expensive here in Watamu, especially for a white dude. It is readily apparent that anything that requires shipping, is expensive. Other than seafood, locally grown fruit and local building materials, that makes everything expensive. The average pay is a lot lower here than in Nairobi too, which leads to a lot of poverty. The housekeeper here is a good example. He makes a really good wage for this area, about KES 5000 per month…or the equivalent of $64.51 USD. He has a roof over his head provided with the job. That buys food, cell service (everyone in Kenya has a cell phone, no matter how poor) and basic necessities. I almost feel embarrassed when I unload my clothing for four days and realize that I have brought twice as much as this guy owns. It is a different world and a bit humbling all the same.

The housekeeper is another good story. When I got here, I brought the American mentality with me in regards to managing work. Also, it came with the standard “…trust until proven otherwise.” I asked how this works, he informed me and we moved forward. There were a lot of things that needed to be bought in the first day or so and spent probably about $100. Cooking gas, cleaning supplies, food staples, water, and the like. The next day, I was asked if he could have the driver give him a ride to his parents house 7 kilometers away as his Grandfather had just passed away. Sure! My goodness, go and take care of it. He left and came back somewhat late that evening. The next day was the burial, so he asked if he could go to that. Sure, that makes sense. He and the driver left and didn’t get back until 10:00pm that night. The next day, they took off in the car to go to a party. Ok, I need to get over this but I am left at this house with no food or drink (can’t drink the water). I get a call from my friend that owns the place and he absolutely explodes…super-livid. I guess this is the third or fourth time his grandfather has passed away and they know that they are not supposed to use the vehicle for anything…period. The cooking gas I had purchased (and the housekeeper was using) was only for guests that rent the house…not him. He has a separate stove he uses…guess he likes the high-life of living in and utilizing the big house when nobody of importance is around. Basically, this guy took me for who I was…a Mzungu that didn’t know the program and he took me to the cleaners. Everything I bought for him was not supposed to be provided for him…and he ate all of my food and drank all of my water. We had a quick “come to Jesus” meeting immediately after the phone call. Things are in order now.

My friend told me that I cannot treat them as equals or even not micro-manage them as they will always take advantage, almost like he was telling me to treat them like dogs. I was stunned. I was also upset that someone took advantage of me. Well, after the phone call and the “..come to Jesus” meeting, I started treating them like I was told and everything worked out ok…almost better and the workers seemed to be happier? Crazy stuff, I tell you.
I do not think I could get used to treating people that way, but that is the way Mzungu treat all the help. It is sad because if you do not treat them that way, they tend to take advantage of you, more and more. I have heard stories of folks who get nickel and dimed to death by the help after giving a small assistance. Even my housekeeper in Nairobi did it to me on Matatu fare, albeit it is not just a Watamu thing…

Upon retrospect, I have enjoyed my stay, have learned a lot, and am getting better at assimilation to Kenya. I have eaten some fantastic seafood, played with my dog, gotten work done on the house, and am ready to be back home in Nairobi, to civilization. Also, the first time ever, in print, that I consider “home” to be Nairobi…I must be doing ok.

Peace,

Dude.
FBO

Watamu

2009-06-28T00:19:00.001-07:00

I have spent the past three days in Watamu, Kenya. It is a small coastal town that is fueled by large Tourist Resorts. Ernest Hemingway made this place popular some time ago, as his namesake “Hemmingways Resort” accurately depicts. It is said that he came here for the fishing but local lore has it, he mostly drank himself silly on gin.

The fishing here is tremendous. The continental shelf is very close to the coast and provides a channel that feeds off of Madagascar Island to the south. Black Marlin, Blue Marlin, Eldorado, Yellowfin are the catch of the day. This super-highway of fish brings them by at different times of the year. April through December, as I understand it, is the best fishing times but good fishing throughout the year. A lot of the locals make their living off of fishing (all the others make their living off of Mzungu). At low tide, one sees all the boats sitting 100+ yards off the shoreline sitting solidly on sand. When the tide comes it, it comes in. Anyhoo, there is a huge abundance of fresh seafood here and it is ridiculously inexpensive compared to the States. I had a meal here that started with Lobster Salad, then Sushimi, main course of Grilled Jumbo Prawns, and then dessert for about $28. The same meal in the States would have been closer to $55-$70 and not near as good.

The pace of life here is much slower than in Nairobi. Very laid-back and nobody is in a hurry. What Nairobi is to the States, Watamu is to Nairobi. The locals all wear shorts and t-shirts, and the mean temperature here, at this time, is between 75-85 degrees…and it is winter here. It is also “off-season” as the Mzungu do not really start arriving until mid-July. The waters on the coast are colder and the tide is higher and rougher until then. My last trip, there were tons of Mzungu mucking about, this time I am but of a handful it seems.

This trip, I came down here by myself (as was well documented in my last post). Because I am not with the “gang” this time, I have had a lot of time to myself as well as spent a lot of time with a couple of locals. It is very interesting getting their perspective on things…and their thoughts on Mzungu. Instead of going to the “supermarket”, I have gone to “Kiosks” to purchase things. Kiosks are where the locals shop and also things are much cheaper too. Of course, if I were to go there by myself, I would get ripped off. For example, I went to a pharmacy in Malindi (a larger town North of Watamu). I had run out of anti-malarial and thought it a good idea to re-stock as I am in one of the Malaria capitals of Africa. I had priced Malarone in Nairobi and it was KES 5100 for a 30-day supply. About equal to $70 USD; steep but inexpensive considering what Malaria can do to you. The nice lady at the pharmacy quoted me KES 5400 for 12 pills. I said, very politely, that they were ripping me off and told them how much it was in Nairobi. “…for you sir, I give you discount…KES 5100.” I chuckled quietly and thanked them for their time and walked away. Back in the car, the locals thought it quite humorous. ALL mzungu pay more here that is the way it is. Needless to say, I have been dousing myself with DEET every day, have Mozzie Chips (Mozzie is Mosquito here) burning two at a time under my mosquito net, and treated the nets with Premethryin. Do not have any Mozzie bites yet and hope to keep it that way.

One of the main reasons I came to Watamu was to coordinate getting the roof fixed on this place. The roofs here are made up of “Makundi”. Makundi, are shingles that are made up of some sort of palm leaf cut into strips, then wrapped around a stick. This forms a shingle, which bundled together makes a thatch roof. Each Makundi costs KES 5 (about 6 cents apiece) and I bought 3000 of them. They have started work and it is a slow and grueling process. First there is the tear-off, then replacing them one at a time. They are fastened to poles from tree-limbs spaced similarly to rafters in a conventional ceiling. However, instead of nailing or screwing, they are tied with other strips of the plant that is more durable yet. It is a very interesting process to watch. I also noticed that using a homemade ladder, they are doing all the work barefooted. I can’t stand on a ladder for very long without work boots and can’t imagine standing on one barefooted. These guys can do it all day. Regardless, it is very different and interesting compared to roofing in the States.

I am quite amazed at the resourcefulness of workers here. They utilize the things that are around them instead of relying on manufactured goods. The house was built out of stones and coral, the roof built of Makundi…all which probably originated less than a mile from here. They only brought a knife and machete with them along with a very rickety homemade ladder. And they are getting the job done. They also seem to be happy while they are working; they sing and whistle the entire time.

Other than the work on the house, things have been VERY slow. I have had a lot of “personal” time…not a lot to do here. The beach is not good this time of year and it is not a place where one can really go walking around…no place to go to. I have enjoyed it, none the less.
Last night, I had Madafu, nectar of the Gods. Madafu is young coconut which is considered still green. One whacks the tops off of them with a big knife then drinks the water that is inside. It is not like coconut milk, it is very clear. The taste is hard to describe other than it is really, really good. One can also eat the tender meat inside after drinking. It, again, does not taste like coconut. It is hard to explain, but it is very good right out of the fridge. I had two last night before going to bed.

Speaking of bed…with no distractions other than the Sun (i.e.: TV, Radio, Books, Etc…) I have been going to bed around 8:30pm or 9:00pm and getting up with the sun at about 6:00am. It is very nice and refreshing. Almost like detoxifying the body. It is a bit hot to sleep, but getting used to it by the third night.

Well, enough for now. I hope all of you are doing well and are happy in your own spot of the world.

T.C
FBO

The Long Drive to Watamu...

2009-06-25T10:28:00.000-07:00

Ok, I am sitting at my cottage, minding my own business when my good friend here asks me if I would like to go to Watamu for the weekend. Are you kidding me? Of course I want to go! Watamu is a resort town on the Indian Ocean just about at the Equator. Beautiful beaches, great restaurants, sun, sand, palm trees, the works…what is not to like? Now, things start to unravel… My friend suggests that while I am down there, I could arrange to manage the work on his beach house. Fine! And, that I could probably drive myself down there….this is where things could have gone horribly wrong.

I question the merits of me driving, cross country, with but a few trips to Nakumatt under my belt. He assures me it is a piece of cake. Now, in the past, there are a few things this friend will leave out of an equation, figuring that everything will fall into place…you know the type, the “Big Idea” guy? Anyhoo, I get off the phone with him and start boning up on the drive. Google Maps, check! Lonely Planet guide trip…check… Talk to a couple of locals I know…starting to get queasy but can make this thing work.

So, I go over to my friend’s house and ride-with as he goes to the airport. Now, the big reason I am going is that due to unfortunate circumstances, the guy that would normally go and get the house “open” is in India for a few weeks taking care of his brother (remember the TB thing?) It is very important to me that the house be ready for my wife’s arrival. Her best friend has helped us out tremendously over the past few weeks and had also stepped up to the plate and bought her own airline tickets to accompany my wife to Kenya with our 9 month old daughter (actually, will be 10 months when the travel!) I think we owe Diana a first-class trip with not just experiencing Nairobi, but the coast and either the Mara or Tsavo or Amboselli…some type of kick-butt Safari. Well, showing the coast would not work if the coast house was not ready…so I agree but with stipulations. I do not want to drive, I have to be able to take my dog, and I do not want to spend a bunch of money on this trip. All stipulations were met eagerly…ok, this might have been to easy?

Because of the timing, I had to hurriedly prepare. We finalized the plans at around 3:00pm and I left the following morning from my home at 5:45am. He agreed to hire a driver (actually one that already works for him) and I had to meet him and take him to the vehicle at 6:00AM sharp. I hurriedly got all my crap together, slowly realizing I am not prepared for a trip to the coast. Most importantly, I do not have enough Malarone on me (Malarial Medicine) and will have to try and find some down here…for probably 10x what it would cost in Nairobi. Got my bags packed by 9:00pm, to bed by midnight (couldn’t get sleepy) and up out of bed at 5:00am.
Getting up in the morning was not hard…I have been to this place before and I knew how cool it was and I was excited. Even if it was a working vacation from Nairobi, I would take it in a heartbeat. Meeting the driver in the morning went exactly as planned and picked up the car easily and were on our way by 6:15am. Already checked out the route, got to Mombasa road and turn Right, drive straight to Mombasa on freeway to C104 and turn Left, then straight to Watamu. Easy, right? Five, maybe six hours and I am there…and monkeys might fly out of my arse too!

Traffic in Nairobi SUCKS! We made it about half-way to Mombasa road and cars were stacked-up on top of each other. Took some side-streets the driver knew of (thank God, or I would still be there) and were on Mombasa Road by 6:45am. I had been told that Mombasa Road had been re-built by the Chinese and it was a smooth-sailing road all the way to Mombasa. Well, I have been told a lot of things by a lot of people and this just might top them all.
There are a few “sections” that are quite nice. It is very smooth like a good 2-lane highway in the States. However, the other 80% is either questionable or downright horrific! There are a few “diversions” which in the states would be called “detours”. These random “diversions” would take a gravel and mud swath across a ditch and continue on either gravel, dust, mud “tracks” that require a 4wd (we were traveling in a front-drive Mitsubishi sedan) or remnants of the old road that were in such horrible shape it would have been better to try the shoulder if it were not filled with Matatus and people walking. Bone-jarring bumps, kidney-pounding ruts, bladder-sloshing potholes all in a symphony that beats one silly. Combine this with huge trucks, Matatus, and 4wd’s all jockeying for that singular position that was ahead of our car, I am glad I was not driving for probably the first time in my life. My driver took it all in stride and the entire time acted like it was normal…and it was for him. I ALWAYS drive. Not this time and to think I was going to go it alone?

Once past all the crap (this is three hours into the five to six hour drive) there was some semblance of a highway again. However, because this is the only workable route between the largest port in East Africa and it connects it to the largest Metropolitan area in the country, imagine taking all the tractor-trailer trucks in the U.S. and put them on ONE ROAD! Also combine this with a steep grade (I went from 5600ft to 0 ft on this trip) and everyone wanting to pass without rules or regard for personal safety…I cannot give you how many times I was (either left of right lane, didn’t matter) going from 140 Km/Hour to 5 km/hour within fractions of a second, whipping back and forth across the middle in time to feel the breeze from the oncoming vehicle…I eventually just closed my eyes until we got to the outskirts of Mombasa.

Mombasa is another thing all together. It is the second-largest city in Kenya (next to Nairobi) and a huge distribution hub for the Eastern part of the continent. Traffic was just as bad as in Nairobi, but subtract any real “development”. Most of what I saw was very run-down, very old, and not kept up at all. Swarms of people walking, not just on the side but down the middle and crossing too, one would die doing this in Nairobi. The simple “Left” turn would have been a complete and total disaster for me. It was not marked and involved about four traffic circles with non-square options and no compass in the vehicle. Even my professional driver got a bit lost but fortunately was able to ask (in Kiswahili) for directions and we were on our way. If it were me driving, I would have eventually just turned around and drove the six hours back to Nairobi and given up. Seriously. Yes, we are now Eight hours into our five to six hour trip and still hours away.

The drive up the Kenyan coast was nice (subtracting that my butt was aching from sitting so long). A side-note, a long drive in the States is easy to break up what with all the “Loves Truck Stops”, well marked rest areas, and descriptions of what are on each intersection of the freeway… NOTHING IS HERE! We peed on the side of the road, did not pass a single place to purchase soda, let alone a sandwich the entire way. Combine that with the “comfortable” road conditions and I nearly had to change my underwear…multiple times considering the combative driving environment. It was a bit of a nice change up the coast though. A bit more laid-back, better road conditions, and much better scenery.

The scenery from Nairobi to Mombasa is really cool at first. Tons of mountains surrounded by exactly what you might see on National Geographic or Animal Planet. Absolutely beautiful when not having ones butt clenched so tightly that one cannot feel the fingers digging into the armrest s. Then there is the desert. Very similar to the California Desert around the 29 Palms area. TONS of people live there though, and not in air conditioning or modern conveniences. I asked the driver how/what these people lived on? His reply….”its hard.” After opening my eyes I could start to see clouds, which meant we were arriving to the coast, including more and more palm trees, coconut trees, and the like.

Everything else was pretty much uneventful except for getting turned around in Watamu. That was only 20 minutes or so of our 11 hour adventure. I am looking forward to getting the house back into “live-in” shape and doing some basic relaxing if possible. Again, this is a beautiful area and a very beautiful home. Thatched-roof covering about 4000 sq/ft with pool, I will get some pictures posted on this one.

It would almost be enjoyable except for the fact that I know, deep down in my heart, I have a car ride back to look forward too.

So this guy is trying to buy a car...

2009-06-23T04:04:00.000-07:00

I sit here typing this bog on my laptop and have to consider how incredibly blessed I am to have it. The lady that we have hired to clean the house has never used a computer before. Not just that, she does not have television, a stereo system, a car…very few possessions.

I was going through withdrawal, almost, without having television. Most folks here do not necessarily have television, let alone satellite television service. I was thinking about this while surfing the channels and grumbling about how there is not much worth watching. Although I miss the programming in the States, there are a number of shows here that do keep me entertained. I can watch House, The West Wing, The Late Show with David Letterman, plus Discovery, National Geographic, ESPN, CNN, Animal Planet, and the likes. There are even horrible shows here like Oprah, Desperate Housewives, Day of our Lives, and other crap that makes me wonder about the world in general.

I also have a few movie channels that show a fair number of new and older movies. One thing of note, the system here “bleeps” out swear words and cuts out sex scenes. I do not miss it, but it says a lot about the culture here. The overwhelming majority of folks here are Christian and do not just practice it on Sundays. That makes it more palatable to me as there is not much hypocrisy. Seven days a week with Church service on Sundays. Anyhow, I digress…

With most folks not having their own vehicles here, they rely on a haphazard mass-transit system made up of buses and matatus. The buses here are very similar to what one would find in the states. Very large and belching out black smoke like the tires are on fire. Matatus are minivans that are supposed to seat 14 people. They are privately owned (unlike the City Buses) and there are several that cover the same route. Each Matatu has a driver and hawk. The hawk desperately tries to fill seats. It is funny to see someone walk up to where the Matatu’s hang out and be pulled in three different directions by three different hawks. They compete with each other on the same routes by having either louder music, or possibly LCD Televisions playing something in them or even some are cheaper than others. Although they are designed to seat 14, God only knows how many are crammed in, some with the side door open and people hanging out side, riding on the running boards and clinging for dear life. The Matatus are Kenyans version of Russian roulette it seems. They have no rules at all, so it is nothing for them to pull out into oncoming traffic, swerve without notice to avoid a pothole, stop without brake lights in the middle of the street...all without a care for others on the road. I had read somewhere that the very last place one wants to be in Kenya is riding shotgun in a Matatu, calling it “The Death Seat”…I believe it. Needless to say, I will probably not be riding any Matatus any time soon.

I am still trying to buy a car, but awaiting the sale of my truck in the States so that I can afford one. First, there are no “payment plans” here. You buy a car with cash or you ride a Matatu. Cars her are kind of expensive here…if you want a good one. I am looking at KES 600,000 ($7,000.00 USD) to get a decent car. Obviously, the one I want is much more. The ideal vehicle here is a four-wheel drive truck that seats four or a Landcruiser/Landrover type vehicle due to the roads and type of traffic. Unfortunately, those go, starting out, for about KES 1,300,000 ( $16,500 USD) up to about KES 2,400,000 for a newer one ($31,900 USD).
Interesting, a “New” vechicle is VERY, VERY expensive. The prices I quoted are for “New” used vehicles, meaning they are imported from Japan as certified used vehicles of sorts. They are used but in good condition and have never been driven on Kenyan roads. Then there are true “Used” vehicles that have been rattling around in Kenya for God knows how long. A vehicle gets a license plate upon entry into the country and one can guess the approximate age of a vehicle based on the number on the plate. On average, the “New” used vehicles average a 2002 model year. The plus is, that vehicles hold their value very well here so long as they are maintained. I really wish I could have brought my Chevrolet Avalanche here; it would have fit in quite nicely albeit with the steering wheel on the wrong side of the truck. Regardless, it appears we shall be purchasing some type of Toyota station wagon/minivan concoction…nothing I have seen on the roads in the States, for sure. There is no way the wife and child can ride in Matatus or be reliant on others for rides, so I am in need of figuring this one out quickly, for sure.

I went to the “Car Bazarre” at a local park here. Quite the experience; imagine a parking lot/barren field packed as tightly as possible with cars and trucks. There are probably more auto dealers here in Kenya than there are in the States, as EVERYONE is a car dealer. Everybody tries to import cars from Japan to sell and make a quick KES 50,000-100,000. Walking around through it was hard as I still do not recognize all the vehicles and much like in the States, I want what I cannot afford. I am really smitten by the Subaru Forrester, a larger vehicle with All-Wheel Drive, great acceleration, and room to hold all my valuables safely…Wife, Daughter, Dog, and possibly a few groceries too. Talked to a guy there about one (come to find out they are KES 1,200,000). Once you talk to a guy, he will follow you around almost not allowing you to look at other vehicles very easily. They are very similar to the pushy used-car guy at any U.S. auto dealer albeit a lot more polite and sincere.

If I do not have a car her by the time my wife and child arrive, things are going to be tough, at best. However, in retrospect, watching the folks that line up for Matatu’s, those that do not even have the fare to ride Matatu’s and walk along the street somewhat brings things back into perspective. A car is a privilege that is taken for granted in the U.S. Also by this Mzungu living here too.

Exposure to a New Culture

2009-06-21T00:27:00.000-07:00

The stay here in Kenya has been very enriching and rewarding so far. Being exposed to the different culture as well as eating new foods, figuring out grocery stores, driving…everything is an adventure. Exposure can sometimes be a bad thing.

My good friend that lives here was gracious enough to allow me to stay with him for a week or so until I secured my own place to live. He lives as a traditional Kenyan family does; something lost in the United States. He and his Wife have three children and also his Mother and Brother, and Brother In-Law live with him. When his Father passed away two years ago, he brought his Mother and Brother over to live with him from India. He provides food, shelter, clothing…basically everything that they need. From the outside, looking in, it is a great and noble thing. From the inside, it is something that is done because, simply, that is the way it is supposed to be done. Not like the United States where the first thought and action is to find a Nursing Home to ship off their loved ones to.

It was especially challenging as his Brother is somewhat mentally challenged. He has the mindset of a 9 year old, but is 36 years old. That brings its own set of adversity, all taken in stride by the family and accepted. Each in the family helps in the ways that they can, including bathing him, making sure his special needs are met.

Unfortunately, his brother fell ill a few months ago. By the time I arrived, his brother was looking very poor, emaciated and despite eating more than any two people in the family. My friend carried a book, which were actually his brother’s medical records, with him most all the time. He had taken his brother to the major hospitals here, various doctors, had tons of tests done…all of which state that his brother was in fine medical health. Any fool could look at him and know that was not the truth. The majority of the doctors that looked at him all felt that it was a mental issue that was causing his concerns.

As I arrived in Kenya, my friend was actively looking for Hospitals and Assisted Living facilities in India to place his brother in. It is a widely held opinion (fact) that India has a much better medical infrastructure than Kenya…almost rivaling that in the United States. Two weeks after I arrived, he was scheduled to make the trip to get the assistance he required. Unfortunately, he had an “episode” where he was extremely weak and unresponsive four days prior to traveling. Because my friend was out of the country, his Brother In-Law and I took him to the local hospital…having to just about carry him in and out of the car. The Hospital ran their tests, gave him IV fluids and nourishment…basically just got him healthy enough to travel and came up with nothing.

There is finally a diagnosis within three days of him arriving in India. He has Tuberculosis. Crap. When I knew of his ill health prior to him going to India, I had called my wife. She is a physician (Internist) and the first words out of her mouth were, “…does he have TB? Has he been tested?” According to the medical records he had had the tests.

Regardless, now I have to wait a month or so and get tested to see if I have contracted TB. I have had a barrage of injections to protect me against all the nasty bugs here, or at least all the ones that are available in the United States. Folks are no longer inoculated against TB in the States as there is close to zero issues with it. It is treatable with antibiotics…taken over a 6-9 month time frame.

For those not in the know, Tuberculosis is spread much like the common cold. Germs coughed/sneezed/spit into the air are inhaled. Not everyone that gets the germs become “active” TB folks, they can be “inactive” and not have any symptoms, just carry it around for years until it finds its opportunity. Inactive folks do not spread the disease.

Some interesting points:
• Someone in the world is infected by TB every one second
• Overall, 1 in 3 people are infected with TB
• Only 5-10% of people infected with TB become sick, or active
• Most all new cases are in Southeast Asia and Russia
• The highest per-capita TB is Sub-Saharan Africa which accounted for 34% of all cases globally

There are many drug-resistant strains because of the strict regiment required to kill the bug. Poverty and stupidity (just like the States) leads people to not finish their courses of antibiotics, which leads to “superbugs” that no longer respond to treatment. Even more sad, there is a vaccine for it which prevents TB, but not readily available to the population. That is just sad. Everyone thinks about HIV or Malaria when thinking about Africa, yet the number one killer and disease is preventable. No sad, very sad.

Being exposed to a different culture is very rewarding, but also in retrospect, a bit scary too. Even paradise has its drawbacks.

Mzungu (White Guy)

2009-06-19T03:35:00.000-07:00

One of the first things that stick out is that, as a whole, there are not a lot of Mzungu in Kenya.

Mzungu get treated differently than other Kenyans in my opinion. Depending on where you are, it varies. Where I live, in Karen, it is not that big a deal. There are tons of Expats (expatriates from other countries) everywhere and they are a common site. When I went to the downtown Nairobi area with my friend Sunni to get his Visa…I felt like a fish in a fish tank. I think I was the only Mzungu within miles and it shows.

We went to a grocery store there to get a bit of lunch while we were waiting for the Indian Consulate to open. Standing at the bakery counter, I was passed over numerous times to place my order…always being pushed aside or ignored. After a few minutes of this, my Kenyan friend stepped up, laughing, and placed the order immediately. Two things; one I was Mzungu and two I was too polite. Standing in line is not the same as standing in line in the States. Not a single Kenyan respects another’s “personal space”. In the States, there is that 18-inch rule…”please do not crowd me and respect my personal space. Touching, pushing, intruding in ones space is taboo and rude. Here, it is a game to see how many folks can be crammed in per square-foot. In Karen, it is a bit different. Folks still do not necessarily respect ones personal space, but Mzungu are treated the same as the Kenyans. Also, one does not politely wait his turn. Instead, you push forward barking your order with the “you’re not going to ignore me” attitude. This is not always the right tact and I am learning when to use it and when not to.

Another aspect where Mzungu are treated differently, the Kenyans automatically assume you have lots of money. All things being said, most Mzungu do have a bit more cash than the average Kenyan. Whenever you are in traffic, the locals will approach ones vehicle trying to sell everything from DVD’s to roasted peanuts to maps to goodness knows what. Even after saying, politely no, they will persist even while the windows are up and one avoids eye contact. The amazing thing though, in the states there is some drunk begging for money on the street corner (or con artist), here they are trying to actually earn a living by selling goods.

Kenyans are a hard worker that is for sure. Take, for example, the folks that are putting up the fence around my cottage. Sixty feet of fence in the States would cost probably between $3000 and $10,000, depending on what type of fence one was putting in. Typically a group of Mexicans would show up, throw it up in a day, and possibly even paint it the same day. I remember they put up probably 200 feet of wrought-iron fencing at our house in a day and painted it the next. The fence they are putting up at my cottage right now is a beauty built by true artisans. Raw materials were brought in, bent into ornamental shapes and welded on-site. Pieces are all cut by hand (no power tools whatsoever), bent by hand, and shaped by hand. I think I saw a hacksaw, a hammer, and a very old/cheap welder that did not always work every time. They have been working on it for coming on two weeks now, applying the primer coat as I type this. A group of about four Kenyans have been working on it, sometimes two, sometimes four. They take pride in the work that they are doing and are pleasant and congenial…and are charging about KES 20,000 or about $260 USD.

The thing that drives me nuts is that there is technology that can make this move so much faster, enabling them to build more, faster, for more money. However, the culture makes this moot. By keeping long-term, gainful employment and preventing putting others out of business is a goal, I guess. The driveway to my cottage is about ¼ mile long. The ditches are “mowed” with a machete. In the States, there would be a wicked gas-powered weed whacker knocking it down in an hour or so. Here, it takes days. The idea of starting up a company with gas-powered equipment, doing the work for less money, faster, and a better job is not an idea that would be welcomed. I think it is “Harambee”, which if I translate right is “Kenyans First”. That company would violate Harambee by un-employing hundreds of Kenyans. Something that is not good. Some things seem strange to Mzungu…and I am sure they think Mzungu are strange too.

Take my dog, for example. I have a great German Shepherd Dog that is very well trained. Most Kenyans would never dream of having a dog any other way than chaining it up during the day and then letting it roam the yard of an evening. Kenyans generally have a phobia of dogs too. I cannot let my dog outside while they are working on the fence or you will see Kenyans scatter…even if they are on the other side of the fence. They also laugh at me when they see me talking to my dog…and eyes get wide and laughter abates a bit when they see my dog respond to commands. The good thing is that word is out the Mzungu has a dog that thinks Kenyans taste like chicken! Folks stop in the street and parking lots when they see me take our dog for a ride in the car. The “Askaris” (Security Guards) at the shopping centers stopped me after parking….from a distance…and asked me to roll the windows all the way up in the car. I had left her in the car as it is MUCH better than a car alarm. The guard was visibly worried that our dog might get out of the car. I assured him that she would not and appeased by rolling up the windows a tad. I then advised him that as long as he didn’t reach into the car, there was no way he would get bitten. He nervously laughed and took a few steps further back. Coming and going, there were lots of onlookers of the car I was driving albeit from a wide-berth.

Crazy Mzungus…

Three Weeks in Kenya

2009-06-14T13:22:00.000-07:00

I sit here looking out the window at palm trees, the peaks of the Ngong Hills, flowers and birds of all kinds everywhere and am growing used to it and at the same time amazed at the differences.

The flora here is freaking incredible. Amazing flowering trees, shrubbery of all colors, trees that are nowhere in the States…what a lot of Africans take for granted stuns me. On the drive to our cottage through the streets of Karen, almost every home has a garden that would be considered “museum quality” anywhere back home. Plus, with the growing climate all year round, it provides for some interesting observations. I remember back home, working at the depot, selling tons of annuals that were to be planted temporarily for color. Take Marigolds, for example. They grow nice and pretty, and then die in the fall, and replanted again next year. Here, they are bushes that form hedges and grow/bloom all year round. I am sure it makes gardening a bit of a challenge over here as one really needs to plan ahead because once it is planted, it is there for good.

The birds here are pretty cool too. The crows that fly here have large, white breasts but all other aspects they are normal crows. I have hawks that fly round here all the time, looking for a small dinner of sorts and have been told can put chicken pieces out and they will feed in the front yard…will have to try that when I get some chicken and my camera ready. Numerous songbirds of all different colors and sizes…all are a sight to see for the first time.

In the short distance from our cottage are the Ngong Hills, made famous by Karen Blixen’s “Out of Africa” (and the movie too). The views of them are incredible as they are unlike any “hills” or “mountains” I am used to seeing. Because this area was formed by volcanic activity and the vast Rift Valley which lies Kilometers from where I sit, the landscape is unequaled anywhere else in the world. The beauty is stunning to me, but not that big a deal to the locals obviously.

Karen, where I live, is a predominately wealthy area, especially by Kenyan standards but by American standards also. It is inhabited by wealthy Kenyans and White “Expats”, it is a very rural suburban area with nice homes on huge lots, usually with a large staff to maintain the gardens, household chores, repairs, and anything else. It is an area where it is safe to walk the streets…although where I am at it is impractical as there is nothing within walking distance from me. The people are nice and always have time to stop and chat a bit. Most everyone here speaks English, albeit they seem to prefer to speak Kiswahili and mix it with English a bit.

There are a couple of shopping centers that are a 5 minute drive from here where one can buy about anything that is a necessity for living. Closer by are roadside shacks that sell the very basics, milk, bread, eggs, fruit, and vegetables. A lot of the locals utilize these shacks but I have not had the opportunity yet. Most everything that I have bought so far is from a store called “Nakumatt”, which is the Kenyan equivalent to Wal-Mart. Nakumatt sells groceries, household goods, electronics, furniture, motorcycles, hardware, tools, appliances, carpet…you name it and they have a bit of it. Some things are very inexpensive here (food), some things are normal prices here (cleaning supplies, soda, meat) and some things are very high (clothing, hangars, electronics, and fuel). One thing worth mentioning, deli lunchmeat is freaking expensive here. Priced per 100 grams (which is not very much), 300 grams will cost you KES1000 which is equivalent to $12.00USD…gotta learn the equivalants!

I have also grown fond of the coffee shops that are nearby. Dormands is one that is close by as well as one called Java House. They serve EXCELLENT coffee, something that Starbucks should look into. Kenyan coffee is regarded as some of the best in the world (we drank it in the States) and they brew mean Tea too. Most of the coffee shops have an outdoor area where folks sit under umbrella tables and enjoy the 75 degree mean temperature, nice breeze, and blazing sunshine. Most of them have internet available, which really makes for a good retreat for me. I have 3G, but it is expensive to use. I never realized how many bytes I used surfing until I paid for each one!!! A luxury I was privileged with in the States and cannot take for granted now.

Talking about the Oasis that I live in is not necessarily a true representation of Nairobi though. Karen lies on the far Southwest edge of the Nairobi area. Once you get out on one of the main roads (Either Langata Road or Ngong Road), things change quickly All of sudden there is mass-chaos. Matatus (small buses) roaring everywhere, pulling in and out of traffic regardless of who is coming or going. Masses of cars driving on roads that have no rules, potholes 10 feet in diameter and a foot deep, passing at anytime, and a communication system utilizing horns, turn-signals, and light flashes that I still do not fully understand. In the States, the car horn is an extension on ones middle finger…only used in anger or frustration. Here, it is used as a communication device. For example, multiple short blasts could mean that I am coming from behind or that I want to merge in right now. Laying on the horn means “…you stupid Matatu, I am coming and get the hell out of my way!” At night, the turn-signal is used to let people see the side of your car as the roads are extremely narrow, dark, and without any lines painted on them.

Anyhow, I digress. Outside of Karen is the true “Nairobi”. A lot of poverty being passed by quickly by the tons of rich folks in their Range Rovers, Toyota Landcruisers, Mercedes, and the like drove by wealthy Kenyans and Expats. The city is very congested and traveling about needs to be planned out carefully. Never during rush-hour and never at night are the two most important rules. For about two hours in the morning and three in the evening, it is like a very chaotic L.A. Freeway experience. Cars sit bumper to bumper, some without brakes, some driven without care, but all sitting like paperweights emitting smog out the tailpipe that would really piss off the tree-huggers in the States. The black-smoke that pours out of vehicles due to zero emissions policies makes a choking/gagging affair that burns ones throat and eyes. Night time driving is not a problem with congestion, but with safety. Carjacking is a serious issue to deal with. They are very common-place and one needs to keep safety in mind at all times. Car doors are locked (even in the daytime), if the windows are down one needs to be careful about leaving an arm out for fear of losing a watch or possibly even the arm. There are thieves roaming the streets in pairs trying to steal stuff out of your vehicle or even hubcaps while stuck in traffic is not uncommon. One lesson is to keep notice of folks walking the streets in a jacket, hat and tennis shoes. They have to be considered thieves as they can discard the coat and hat easily to change appearances and the typical Kenyan does not really wear tennis shoes other than to run. Learning the ropes about safety is paramount prior to me starting to drive never mind the silly bastards drive on the wrong side of the road.

Home safety is a major issue too. My cottage is very safe as it has a road-block with three guards at the entrance off of Bogani Road. From there, the long (quarter-mile or so) driveway has locked gates lining it. I have to pass through two locked gates to get to my front door and there is a guard on duty at these two gates. I have an ace up my sleeve in my German Shepherd Dog, Naomi. Africans are scared shitless of dogs…especially German Shepherds and other similar “trained attack” dogs. All of the staff in our compound gives our yard a wide-berth. Also, carrying Naomi with me in the car…I am told by locals that is almost a guarantee of safety. I am also virtually assured that no Kenyans would even consider entering my yard let alone my cottage…so that made the cost of transporting our animals worth every penny.

Other areas of the city are not near as safe as where I live. Folks that live in town are under constant strain of having a home invasion or having their vehicle stolen, regardless if they are currently driving it or it is sitting in their driveway. There are a lot of beautiful areas of Nairobi that would be less expensive to live in anmd have nicer, larger accommodations. However because of this safety issue, I will not consider living in those areas, just as I would not consider living in Oak Cliff, parts of Fort Worth, or any other crappy area in the States.

Getting used to the slower pace of life has not been difficult at all. If someone tells you they will be there at 2:00pm, you just allow for an hour or so. It is as simple as that. If an appointment does not work out or something goes wrong…no big deal. The hurried hassle of everything in the States is slowly melting away, which is one of the many bonuses of living here. I am actively retraining myself to relax. Sitting here in my cottage on a beautiful Sunday morning, I can sit on my front porch and gaze at natures wonders, play with my dog, type this blog and not be worried about what it is I am supposed to be doing. What happens will happen. I was supposed to have television service installed yesterday by the local Satellite TV Company. There were some “issues” that arose from free installation and timing of a very good promotion. Just three weeks ago I would have been pissed off about something like this. Now, it can happen later. No big deal. I have been waiting to purchase a TV and an inexpensive audio system so that I can have music to listen to. A few snags have been hit and it will have to wait until next week. No worries. I would have had a fit about not having TV in the States. I think I am becoming happy with my blood pressure now…

One thing I think I do miss is Fox News (aside from my Wife and Daughter, of course!) I was a news junkie and now do not really know so much of what is going on in the world…I do peak at the online Fox News each day though. Funny, I do not miss it as much as I thought I would. I also do not get worked up about the politics, taxes, and socialist state of the USA anymore. What happens will happen and I will watch from the sidelines.

Well, I will stop this diatribe. I hope that this finds each and every one of you happy and well. I miss you all and wish the best to all.

Peace,

Dude.

FBO