Yet another Top Ten list...

Well, aside from the delusional Kenyan that responded to my last list, it seemed the last one was well received. It seems, after reading the past few blogs; it may have taken a tone that I absolutely do not want to convey about our last home in Kenya. Sure, there were a lot of things that we did not completely enjoy…for that matter there are TONS of things that suck about living in the States. (Look to a Top Ten List of things that SUCK about living in the States compared to Kenya.)

I post this blog on two different locations on the Internet. One is on my Facebook page, the other is on my permanent blog page. This gives me a lot of different readers, for sure. Most all the folks that read my blog on Facebook are already friends of mine, therefore they know that I am an abrasive kind of guy and probably take my statements either with a grain of salt or, maybe…actually enjoy my sick sense of humor. Unfortunately, anyone with access to the Internet can read my actual blog.

Because of this, I get some real gems in regards to responses. Most all of them are from “Anonymous”. A ton of them, I do not post. Mostly dumbasses that take offense to something that I have said. I must admit that some of them, I actually enjoy smacking them down like the ill-informed mental giants they are. I have been called a racist recently because my blogs are aimed at black folks portraying them as lazy, stupid, un-motivated, people. Personally, I have never said anything but very nice things about Kenyan people…see the point in my list below and previous posts to verify. I have also been accused of lumping all blacks in together, being the white devil in downplaying their abilities. Nothing could be farther from the truth in my mind. I would welcome “civil” discussions on this topic. If someone can convince me that I have been a racist bastard I will delete all my blogs so as not to offend douchebags that cannot comprehend simple writings. Better yet, I guess, would be that if my writings offend you, just do not read my freaking ramblings…simpleton. And to Anonymous assholes everywhere…if you have something to say, write your name to it or do not waste my time. Sissies…

Now, back to the main point of this writing; there are tons of things that I miss about Kenya already and I am sure that there will be a lot more that come to mind as time goes by. My host country was a wonderful, sometimes magical place. Not just things being new, but soaking in things that sometimes would be passed by if one were living the “American Dream”. This will capture the highlights…and maybe let folks know that I didn’t hate Kenya…it’s just different. To quote Vincent from Pulp Fiction, “…it’s the little things.”

10: Unparalleled Beauty

Nowhere else in the world have I experienced such natural beauty as in Kenya. Not in botanical gardens, not in national parks, not in folks’ backyards…nowhere. Simply driving down the road I lived off of (Bogani Road) one would experience botanical beauty unparalleled anywhere. Vivid flowers, plants that can only be grown in truly tropical climates (bird of paradise, for example)…all grown along the side of the road. Drive anywhere outside of Nairobi and the varying beauty…from the Western side along the Great Rift Valley to the far Eastern side of the Coast. Pictures, TV shows, magazines…none do it justice. Until you have stood at the precipice of the Rift Valley and gazed down upon it…pictures and words will never describe it. The white sand beaches of the coast with palms, flowers, and unspoiled beaches…it is easy to get lost in the serenity. North of Mombasa there is still a lot of beaches that do not have hotels, resorts, and the like screwing up Gods work…absolutely breathtaking.

9: Food!

In the past I have criticized the beef in Kenya and that still stands…especially after eating but a single hamburger here. American fast-food burgers kick a Kenyan gourmet burgers butt 10 times out of 10. Period. However, compare most anything else and Kenya wins hands down. The fresh produce that is actually available “fresh” is hard not to miss. The fruit that is grown locally; passion fruit, guava, mangos, bananas, pineapples, kiwis and the like will never be found on the shelves at an American grocery store. All of these are available as fresh juices at most any decent restaurants and will make one never drink juice again in the States. The vegetables are just as good, albeit a bit varying. Potatoes, as mentioned earlier, are smaller and seem to be less “starchy” for lack of a better word. Avocados, peppers, carrots, corn, zucchini, squashes, etc…are all freaking incredible, tasting almost different than their American cousins. Part of this can be attributed to the excellent soil here, also the growing season, lack of pesticides and fertilizers. Everything is “organic” to a fault…can’t really find anything “un-organic”. It makes me a true believer and I will miss it.

Kenyan food is also very, very good. The spices are much different than what is used here. In Kenya, there is a lot of Cumin, Peppers, Mustard Seed, Coriander, Cilantro, and Pepper Corn used. In America, the all-time favorite is SALT! I had forgotten just how salty food is here…nothing like turning to beef jerky after our first Tex-Mex meal here…and just about anything else prepared “out”. Foods in Kenya are much simpler, very tasty, and very well prepared. Traditional meals consist of a starch (usually Ugali, a mixture of maize and water that turns to a doughy bread-like paste), a protein (either lamb, goat, fish, or especially chicken) cooked in something of a stew. Nyama Choma (Swahili for barbequed meat) is usually goat cooked a long time over charcoal and is really, really good too. The fresh fish the coast offers along with world-class chefs provided me some of the best meals I have eaten in my life.

The chicken is very fresh and very small…not pumped with growth hormones, steroids, or any other crap. We do not eat much chicken here in the States because…wait for it…”it tastes like chicken!” Kenyan chicken does not taste like chicken, is not stringy at all and very, very good. The fish is fresh from the coast or from Lake Victoria and is unparalleled with exception to coastal states here in America. Shrimp (prawns) the size of my daughters forearm are available cheap and cooked to perfection.

Kenya has crap food too, one just has to look very hard to find it…

8: Freaky Cars and Trucks

Let me preface this by saying that I have probably forgotten more about cars than most people will ever know in their life. That being said, cars and trucks in Kenya might very well have been from another planet. Other than Landcruisers, Range Rovers, and Mercedes, everything else would never be found on the streets of the states. TONS of Toyotas that would appear to be weird to Americans like the “Vitz”, “Noah”, ”FunCargo”, and various other tin-cans that double as coffins were everywhere. I call them coffins as they are incredibly small and one accident with a Matatu and it would be just as easy to be buried in it. Lots of small station wagons by Toyota, Nissan, and Subaru…seem to be the “Camry” of Kenya. Also of interest, it seems that a 1.5 Liter motor is considered a large motor in a vehicle. When I told locals that my truck back home had a 5.3 Liter engine…they stared in disbelief! Motorcycles, by an overwhelming majority, are powered by 125 cc engines…nothing like the 1340 cc Harley Davidson motors found everywhere on the roads here. The Mitsubishi I drove here was powered by a 1.3 liter engine and, by American standards, would be considered a sissy vehicle (by me too). Even large trucks were powered by 2.4 liter diesels…something no self-respecting Texan would ever allow on anything other than a lawnmower… Also, the PRICE of these things! Nothing on the road sells for less than $5000…even pieces of crap. Used vehicles that would sell for $12,000 in the States sell for $36,000+ in Kenya. Over-the-road trucks…not a Peterbuilt, Kenworth, or Mack to be seen. “Tata’s” (ok, I admit, I love that name and still giggle), Mercedes, and Nissan trucks rule the road and belch black smoke like a volcano. Where I was starting to take zero notice of cars here in the States…maybe outgrowing my infatuation with the automobile…Kenya brought interest and novelty that had been lost for some time.

7: Diamond Plaza

I say “Diamond Plaza” as a prelude to an entire community…the Indian Community. There is a huge East Indian community in Kenya. So large that they even have their own shopping center named Diamond Plaza. Here, like many other places in Kenya one can find EXCELLENT Indian food, DVD’s (maybe pirated?) for $4 that includes 10 different movies on it, and almost anything else possibly “shady” or imported from India. Kenyan Indians have their own identity and seem to be more accommodating to “outsiders”…or better said, “white’s”. Maybe it is a Sikh thing? A Hindu thing? Not for sure, but even the elders of the community seem to be more open to new things and accepting of others cultures. Not all of them are Engineers or Doctors either! Now, I can already hear members of my family chiming in about this and all I can say is….refer to the second paragraph please…

6: The Coast

White sand beaches, fresh seafood, and a slow pace of life; what is not to like? Where Nairobi has everyone walking around in Dockers, long-sleeve button-up shirts, dress shoes, coats and ties…Watamu has cutoff jean shorts, t-shirts, and flip-flops! MY KIND OF LIVING! It just does not get any better than this…except for the German and Italian expats that live there and tend to be buttholes…

5: Kenya Wildlife Service and its Parks

The Masai Mara, Nairobi National Park, Tsavo East/West National Parks, Amboseli National Park, and on and on and on; Kenya has done a fantastic job of protecting not only its national beauty but its flora and fauna too. Growing up watching “Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom” and later NatGeo, Discovery, Animal Planet makes it totally kick-butt to see these things live and in person. Preserving the area for the “Great Migration” with over a million wildebeest…awesome; and watching the crocodiles feast on them is even cooler. The Kenyans love their natural resources (other than the MP’s, but that is another story) and it rocks that they preserve it in such pristine splendor.

4: Wildlife in General

Driving home and seeing a “tribe” of Baboons on the side of the road really sticks with a guy from the States. Driving home from Watamu and seeing Giraffe and Zebra grazing along the highway really brings the scope home. This is the last wilderness, the last frontier where natural beasts roam wild most anywhere they want to. The birds are all different, the bugs are wicked-cool (even caterpillars after the fact), and having monkeys visit a picnic has its pluses too. Probably no matter where one travels to, around the globe, things are probably different. On reflection, having lions, cheetahs, elephants, rhinos, giraffes, warthogs, zebras, baboons, hyenas, crocodiles, and tons of others…that is just pretty darn cool.

3: Hakuna Matata

As soon as we landed in DFW…we knew we were home in more ways than one. Sour attitudes, folks brushing by with scowls on their faces, and service folks who feel they are entitled to be buttholes because they are paid to assist folks. Everyone here is in a rush. Rushing to get to work, rushing to get through work, rushing home, eating dinner fast, maybe getting some net time in just prior to going to bed then repeat the process four more days. During that time, folks probably look at their watch/clock 200 times, have reminders on Outlook for meetings, Blackberry’s flashing messages and meeting notices, cell phones ringing non-stop, all the while life is flashing by at light-speed…all the while we are missing LIFE! Repeat four more days, then go to the weekend and run kids ragged to sporting events, make it to the shopping stores, be pious and go to church on Sunday, then who knows what…catch up on weekend homework missed, mow the lawn, kick the cat then repeat previous steps for Monday morning.

If the Lion King did nothing else, it brought us “”Hakuna Matata”…or better stated in English, “No Worries”. Life goes by at a much slower pace and folks don’t stress out. If there is a meeting for 2:00pm and something comes up, Hakuna Matata…it can start later. Or, can be postponed until tomorrow. It is almost a Kenyan mantra, “…why do today what one can do tomorrow?” Nothing happens fast and nobody expects anything to happen fast. Stress does not exist, folks do not get pissed off at the slightest thing…matter of fact, I never saw a meltdown the entire time I was there (except for an American at a restaurant, go figure)…took only about 20 minutes of being in DFW before experiencing a wicked one! Folks in Kenya don’t let things bother them…I admire that.

2: General Cool Factor

There is something to be said about telling folks you live/lived in Africa. Period.

1: The People

What makes it all tick; all come together is the people of Kenya. Taking all the points listed previously adds up to a cool population. Walk anywhere and talk to anybody and they are quick to offer a smile and a “jambo” (hello). Does not matter if they are dirt poor or the wealthy elite; it was very easy to make raifikis (friends) in Kenya. From the gardner to the Askaris (security guards) to the landlords to the guy who owns the huge industry, they all responded in kindness and generosity. Everywhere we went, folks would talk to us, our daughter, ask us how we were doing…it was nice. Even the folks at restaurants, ice cream parlors, gas stations, etc…would remember our names and address us as such. People of the world could learn from Kenyans…from their general population. Not so much their elected officials…but ours suck too.

HONORABLE MENTIONS

Full Service Gas Stations:

Never get out of your car and they always ask, “Clean your windscreen and check your bonnet sir?”

Cadbury Chocolate Bars:

Enough said…

Mediterano’s:

Excellent Italian food…better than most I have tried in the States.

FM 105.5:

Heavy Metal late nights…Classic Rock Weekends…

Grilled Corn:

A tasty Kenyan treat

The Mehta Family:

No one could ask for a better, all-world family; a model for all.

“Flexible Pricing”:

EVERYTHING is negotiable pretty much. Put on your “little bastard” hat and get HUGE discounts.
If someone were to ask me, I would recommend that anyone interested in Africa visit Kenya for an amazing experience. This is my second time visiting and would/will go back in a heartbeat…all the bitching and complaining aside (and that can be done just about anywhere one goes) it is truly paradise.

Peace,

Dude
FBO